95: Stupid Bugs . . .

I hate bugs.

I mean, really, really hate bugs. Insects. Creepy-crawlies. Ewww.

There's a slight possibility that I have been known to trap insects under plastic cups until hubby could come home to, um, dispose of them. There's an even slighter possibility that if I know hubby will be in late I will draw a picture of my little prisoner on the cup so as he won't mistake the cup for random trash and set it free while I snooze.

Seriously. Hate. Bugs.

Today I was attempting to make a dent in our pile of unwashed dishes multiplying in the sink. And I saw it. Teeny-tiny body. Freakishly long appendages. Mr. Daddy Long Legs had taken up residence on one side of the sink next to a steak knife. See, most normal people would grab a paper towel, take care of the matter and be done with it.

Oh, no. Not me.

I spent the next 5 minutes trying not to touch any dish within 6 inches of the thing while focusing on not having an anxiety attack. Then I decided my next course of action.

I'd wait him out. He was headed toward the side of the sink with the disposal. Muah-ha-ha-ha!!!! As soon as he crossed over the mountainous divide I'd flush him down with a bug-size flash flood and flip the switch. Buh-bye Creepy McCreeperton.

In the midst of my ingenious plan my hubby happened to call just to say hi. When I explained what I was doing there was a moment of silence and then, "So . . .you're herding a spider??"

Well, when you say it like THAT it sounds a tad ridiculous.

I hate bugs.

94: Just Thinking Aloud . . .

Tonight, as I drove home from Bible study, I was thinking about some of the thoughts and questions that had arisen during our session. Specifically, I was thinking about what the Lord wants me to do with this life.

There is a pattern I see as I look back over my years. I know hindsight is 20/20, and this is probably not uncommon, but I see so many times in my life that I could have given more. Been more. Done more.

Not for lack of opportunity but for definite lack of faith. And definite succumbing to fear.

Again, probably not uncommon, but fear has always been my stronghold. Fear of failure, yes, but probably even moreso a fear of success. What if I try something and it actually works? Then what? I know that's weird. I never claimed to be, um, not weird.

So anyway. These days I'm trying harder not to let fear get the best of me. But I have ideas swirling around in my head of possible directions the Lord might be leading me and, honestly, they scare me to death. I mean, He's not telling me to move to the middle of a war-torn country or anything. I think that would warrant a healthy fear. But my fears are all about inadequacy and a loss of control. You know that story about Saul being called as king and when they looked for him he was hiding in the baggage? Yup. I so get that story.

I just feel so inadequate. Actually it doesn't even matter what the Lord calls me to do - sometimes I feel like I'm giving up before I even try. I know the verses about the Lord being our strength, the saying about the Lord equipping those He calls. My head knows all these things. It's just convincing the rest of me.

Really I have no nice, neat way to wrap this up tonight. Just getting some thoughts out of my head . . .

93: Summertime

Locusts singing at dusk

Not having to dry or fix hair

Barefoot in the grass

Homemade ice cream

4th of July parades

Eating dinner outside just because

Delayed sunsets

I love summer :-)

92: Manna

"Manna is only for a season."

When I heard those words at Bible study the other night they immediately penetrated my heart.

After the Israelites left Egypt, after blatant disobedience of the Lord, they were made to wander in the desert for forty years. The Lord being the gracious Lord that He is provided quail for them every evening and then flakes of bread-like food on the ground in the morning. The Israelites received this manna from heaven every day, except the Sabbath, for all forty years in the desert. Usually when I ponder this story I'm focused on the miracle of the provision. And miraculous it was.

But I hadn't thought about how much faith and obedience this strange heavenly provision required from the Israelites. Every morning they were to gather enough manna just for that day alone. (Before the Sabbath they were allowed to gather enough for two days so as to keep the Sabbath holy and not work.) Anybody who tried to gather more thinking they could save it were in for a nasty surprise the next day - maggots and a stench permeating the once edible supply. Ick. Bet they learned that lesson quickly.

So for forty years each family, each person had to rely on the Lord's provision just for that day. And trust that He would provide again the next day. And the next. They had no control and no choice but to believe He would provide.

And He always did.

Sometimes I feel similarly - waking up in the morning with no clue how I'm going to get through the day. But the Lord always, always provides what I need. Not always how I expected (um, bread from heaven anyone?) or how I desired (how many ways can you really prepare manna? That had to get old.) But I'm always provided for each and every day in the way I need - emotionally, spiritually, whatever.

Admittedly, sometimes in those seasons I get tired of living day to day wondering how the Lord will come through each day. It's a test of faith that I don't usually pass with flying colors, if at all. I'm a worrier, a planner. It's hard to let go of my plans and just trust in the Lord's daily provision.

That's why when I was reminded at Bible study that the manna for the Israelites was only for a season, that their promised land of milk and honey was coming, it lightened my heart. Those seasons of just barely making it spiritually or emotionally day to day are just that, seasons. They definitely serve a purpose and the Lord is glorified through them but, thank goodness, they don't last forever.

And even though the season of manna wasn't much fun for the Israelites, we have to remember that without it they never would have stepped one toe in the promised land. Without the Lord's daily sustenance they would have perished in the desert.

Hmmm. I may not always appreciate a season of manna but I'll take the Lord's provision any day over dying in a spiritual desert. "Manna is only for a season." Thank you, Lord, for manna!

91: My Favorite Poem

I guess this is kind of cheating but I believe I've posted this poem before. Oh, well. I figure it's so good that it's worth repeating. :-) The truth of it has stuck with me ever since I first read it in high school.

As the subject in the poem comes to find out, the intellect of some things will never compare to actually experiencing them . . .

When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer
Walt Whitman

When I heard the learn'd astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and
measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much
applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander'd off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.

90: Letting Our Light Shine

I've noticed the last couple of evenings that the fireflies in our backyard are at it again, like a yard full of the world's smallest paparazzi.

It's a mesmerizing show and one of the wonders of God's creation.

Here's a fun firefly fact for you: Fireflies give off just about 100% of their light energy as, well, light. By comparison, a normal light bulb gives off only 10% of its energy as light. The remaining 90% is wasted as heat.

Jesus told us to "let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." [Matthew 5:16]

I heard it said once that, in nature, God makes His own visuals to go with His lessons. I think the firefly may be a great visual (literally) for Jesus' words to us in Matthew 5:16 - a reminder to let 100% of our spiritual light shine.

I have a feeling though, if you're like me, that we tend to be more like light bulbs - wasting our energy and only letting a little of our light shine through. Imagine how bright the bulb in the room would be if allowed to display 100% of its energy as light! Likewise, imagine how effective we would be at combating the darkness of the world around us if we all shone 100%!

So I guess tonight be a firefly. Not a light bulb. :-)

89: Rambling

Apparently, Amoxicillin IS elephant repellant. Thank goodness. (But I would hope those pills would do something given they are almost the SIZE of an elephant - sheesh!)

But I find myself just as empty-handed as the past several nights when it comes to writing. Life is just tiring lately - I know you know the feeling - and right now writing just feels like one more thing to do. How funny though that it's when I'm on post #89 of 100 I start to feel the burn-out. I thought it would have come earlier. Like post #3 or something. :-)

Oh, I'm enjoying the writing. It's been quite a challenge, but I can honestly say I've enjoyed it and hope to continue writing regularly. Just maybe not every day. Some days are clearly not "writing days". (I nominate today as one of those.)

Anyway - just my rambling thoughts tonight.

(By the way, I finished "Riven" yesterday. Wow. Quite an ending. I literally gasped out loud when I realized where it was headed but I won't spoil it for you in case anyone plans on reading it . . .)