Identity

Dang it.

I hate when I feel compelled to post about something I really don't want to. It's easier to post generally encouraging stories and thoughts than struggles that are not so shiny and happy. But if we're all about transparency and authenticity (as it should be) then here goes.

"Pretty girls". That's what my dear friend and I always labeled "those" girls who always seemed to have the perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect complexion, perfect body, perfect personality, perfect, perfect, perfect ad nauseaum. As in, "Hey, did you know so-and-so in high school?" "Yeah, she was one of the 'pretty girls'"

Well, three of the sweetest "pretty girls" have walked into my life and will be a part of it for at least the next year or so. And as they're standing in my living room, I'm noticing all their "prettiness" and feeling SO un-pretty in every way. I all of the sudden felt old and boring - and definitely hoping my husband isn't making comparisons. Stupid enemy - I didn't see this pit coming my way and it's been a real battle ever since. Extra scrutiny of face in the morning (why does it still think I'm 15? Stupid acne.), second guessing hair, clothes, etc. Surely I am not the only woman who fights/has fought this battle.

And you know what it comes down to? Where is my security? What is my identity? Am I going to choose to be defined by living up to others' standards or am I going to choose to believe who I am in Christ? (You know, holy, dearly loved, chosen, heir with Jesus . . .all that super-amazing stuff that doesn't even rival which shorts I wear today.)

I was reminded of this again this morning as I sat at my vanity trying hard not to scrutinize. Suddenly I was aware of the t-shirt I had slept in last night that I had yet to shed. It was a gift from my sister at our wedding rehearsal (although I was so jittered by nerves I didn't realize I should have put it on that night . . .but I digress!). A simple white shirt with black lettering: Bride.

I am the Bride of Christ - part of His holy church. And suddenly nothing really seemed comparable to that identification. This made me feel infinitely better.

(But please understand I've had to have this conversation with myself at least a gazillion times today already. Did I mention how stupid the enemy is with his stupid lies????)