Friday, October 31, 2014

A Little Sick Day (Month) Entertainment

We have been in the throes of a nasty stomach bug around here.  What makes it particularly diabolical is that the symptoms are intermittent for 7-10 days . . .which means it totally messes with your mind:  "Yay, I think we're over it! [barf] Nevermind."

If that messed-with mind belongs to a mom of say, five children, and if that mom has had to clean up various bodily fluids for the past EIGHTEEN days as this evil moves slowly and methodically through. each. child. one. by. one.....Well.  That mom might need a little comic relief.

So I present:

Signs the Stomach Bug Has Been In Your House Too Long:

1.  The second hand on the clock has made one full revolution.  One minute.  One minute is already far too long.

2.  The sheer horror that overtakes you at any and every cough or clearing of the throat.  Because for EIGHTEEN days, that sound has triggered an automatic gathering of paper towels, trash bags, cleaner and Lysol.  I sincerely hate the smell of Lysol.

3.  Even the washing machine groans when it hears that sound.  (Our poor machine actually gave up one day and stopped working.  I may or may not have prayed over that thing like it was in need of a dire healing.  Because it was.  And the Lord took pity on me 'She's praying over the washing machine, bless it . . .' and indeed healed the cleaner of all things even the dog won't touch.  Amen.)

4.  Cashiers at Target start to wonder if you are selling Pedialyte on the black market.

5.  Venturing outside and suddenly understanding what Dracula must have felt like [My eyes!  What is that horrid ball of fire that is trying to set my eyes ablaze?!  The sun.  That would be the sun...]

6.  Your children start to forget what food that isn't white tastes like.

7.  Your husband starts to forget what food that isn't from a can or frozen tastes like.  [And you secretly hope it stays that way.  I also sincerely hate cooking, although I do love to bake.  Baking=chocolate;  Cooking=vegetables.  Need I explain further?]

8.  When the sick children are napping, you feel like you are on vacation.  Like in Hawaii.  But not.

9.  You come up with random lists just to entertain yourself with something besides cartoons and princess music.

I feel like there should be a #10 there, but my list-making skills are expiring.  The type A in me says "You have to have a #10!"  The tired mom in me says "Shut up type A"  The responsible mom in me says, "Don't say shut up! The children might hear you!"  The .  . .ah-ha . . .

10.  You start having imaginary conversations with different parts of your personality.

Well, in all sincerity, I know this just can't last forever (although it feels like it).  Soon enough, life will be back to normal crazy instead of sick crazy.

In the meantime, if anyone needs Pedialyte, you know where to find me....

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