Seeking The Morning

Seeing a More Complete Picture

2011-10-12T12:14:00.004-04:00

It seems this year I've been asking a lot of "Why" questions of God. I love Him, I love His Word and my brain understands that He is sovereign, unfailing and always right and true. But then things happen - either to our family, a loved one, or even to a complete stranger on the news - that make me stop and ask, "Really, God? Why did You allow that to happen? And why like that? I don't understand, Lord..."

I admit my shield of faith has taken some dangerously large hits as I've been trying to reconcile the idea of our free will with God's sovereignty. As in: He can stop something awful from happening, but He doesn't always choose to. And while I also know that my lack of understanding does not negate the perfection of God's will and plan for our lives, sometimes it's just plain hard living in a fallen world's imperfection.

However, a friend's recent Facebook status opened my eyes to another side of this story: the times when we are not left asking "Why?", when God does NOT allow tragedy to occur. The times when His plan includes merciful rescue or protection. My friend was visiting the home of a friend that happened to have a pool. Read this in awe: (my friend's daughter, Jenna, is about 2 years old)...

I am very grateful that the Lord was watching over Jenna today. She snuck outside, stripped down naked and jumped in the pool. She does not swim yet. A wonderfully protective black lab named Olivia pulled her out by her hair. Needless to say, she was pretty scared and has no desire to go outside or in the pool now! Thank you Lord for keeping my baby safe!

After reading this with goosebumps and tears, realizing how very close my friend's world had come to complete tragedy, I suddenly felt very foolish before the Lord. As I was praising and thanking Him for saving sweet little Jenna, it occurred to me that I don't thank and praise Him enough for His mercies - known or unknown. I have become so wrapped up with why He didn't act in some situations that I totally missed all the times that He DID. I have been so myopic that I've ignored the bigger of picture of WHO God is rather than what His hand is or is not doing.

I asked my friend's permission to post her story for two reasons:

1) God deserves the highest and utmost praise just because of who He is, but it is right and good to praise and thank Him for saving Jenna! More people that read the story = more praise and glory to God!!! As a mother, especially of a little girl the same age, I literally cannot stop thanking God for allowing the story to end as it did. The alternative is unthinkable. Thank you, Lord!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

2) It really boosted my faith to realize all the good that God is working - in my life, in others' lives and in this world - and I'm sure I don't even know a fraction of it. Just waking up in the morning and taking a breath is something to thank Him for! Maybe someone else out there needed a faith-boost as well, to see beyond the things that make us cry out "Why?" and know that things are happening all day long - whether we're aware of them or not - that require our praise and thanksgiving with just as much passion.

Lord, forgive my near-sightedness! Help me to have eyes that see and ears that hear all the ways you work in and around us!

(By the way, I love how God used a sweet doggie to accomplish His purpose! I'm pretty sure Olivia the Super Black Lab deserves all the belly rubs and doggie treats her little heart desires!!!)

Can Somebody Hold My Hand?

2011-08-14T11:26:00.005-04:00

I wrote this last week before Kindergarten actually started, but am just now getting it posted. Read on for an update at the end on how the first week went :-)

Hello.

My name is Leilanni.

And Kindergarten makes me cry.

Tomorrow, I will be sending our precious firstborn out into the world of "real" school. Granted, we've done Preschool, but Kindergarten is different. They go every day. There's homework. They keep records for goodness sakes!

I was honestly doing just fine, resolved NOT to be a blubbery mess over my sweet girl going to school. However, this changed about a week ago . . .

The baby was asleep upstairs and the other two girls were running around the house like they do every morning - playing princess, chase or whatever the game of the morning was - with a trail of giggles following them.

And suddenly it hit me - hard - that these days, these mornings of play-dough, silly songs and construction paper flurries, of playing in a cardboard box "submarine", choosing to be Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, deciding on markers or crayons or both . . . these days were coming to an end. My "baby" was going to school. I guess I had never really considered what it would be like around here while she's gone half the day, five days a week.

And cue the waterworks . . . (they haven't stopped since).

Of course, life is not all rainbows and butterflies around here with three young girls - some days are extremely difficult, some days I want to pull my hair out. But I love being a stay-at-home mom. I love hearing the sounds of giggly girls all over the house. And ever since our oldest was born, since I do stay at home, she has been right by my side. Grocery shopping, playdates, family visits, roadtrips, cleaning, cooking, driving, doctor visits, window shopping - I've always taken her everywhere with me.

Call me sappy, but when she goes to Kindergarten I'll miss her.

I'm not sure I'm ready for this. Ever since my revelation that these care-free BK (Before Kindergarten) days are disappearing, I am having the hardest time thinking about this new phase we're entering into. Not just Kindergarten, but what it represents: another small step in the gradual letting-go process. Parenthood is the only job where slowly working yourself out of the job, creating independence in your child, is the measure of success.

Right about now is when my husband would remind me of a certain pattern he's picked up on in the 14 years he's known me. He likes to call it my "beginning of semester syndrome".

Let me explain. We were both in college when we met and began dating. At the beginning of each semester, after receiving all my course syllabi, I would call my very patient then-boyfriend and practically hyperventilate over the amount of papers due, the difficulty of the projects and the extremity of hands-on activities expected outside of class.

(Allow me to chase this bunny path for a moment . . .I was an education major so we were constantly doing classroom visits, diagnostics, evaluations, volunteering, etc. In one class relating to teaching Science in the school, this involved leading elementary age girls in dissecting a cow eyeball without retching and with a lovely smile on my face. Far be it for me to wreck a budding young scientist's career by implying taking apart an animal's organ is in some way completely disgusting. "See girls?! It just seems like the eyeball is relentlessly staring at you asking, 'Why? Why?!' I promise Bessie can't feel a thing..." Um, yeah. That didn't scar me or anything.)

Anyway. Stepping away from the bunny path and back to the story of my predictable pre-semester break-downs: My now-husband would patiently listen to my ranting and then oh so sweetly encourage me that I could do it. And at the end of every semester, when I once again succeeded, he somehow avoided saying "I told you so."

Toward the end of my Senior year, and during my traditional course-load anxiety session, my then-fiancee had the gall to say, "Do you realize that you do this at the beginning of every single semester? And you always do just fine?"

"What are you talking about?! I do NOT always . . .[enter flash of reality] Oh. You're right. Dang."

I really, truly had not realized my pattern!! Since then it's become something of a joke between us. At the beginning of any new venture I tend to spill out all the reasons it's scary, why it won't work, why I can't do it. And, with a cute little smirk that only he can get away with, my husband says, "Is this your beginning-of-semester-syndrome again?"

"NO. (yes.)"

So, yesterday I found myself driving home from a rare solo shopping trip, wondering how in the world our sweet girl was old enough to be in Kindergarten. When all of the sudden I realized I was doing it yet again. Here comes another new chapter in our lives and here I am wondering if I'm up to it (Can I actually get her to school on time? What if I forget to remind her about Show and Tell? What if a friend hurts her feelings? Girls can be so mean. What if the teacher doesn't understand her and her quirkiness? What if the teacher doesn't understand me? I do not want to be THAT parent. I know. So sad. Just bein' honest here, folks. And as a former teacher, it is VERY weird to be on this end.)

I'm more than confident I would have fit right in with those Old Testament Israelites. I seem to share a certain part of their DNA: They worried about enslavement. God set them free. They worried about being trapped by the Egyptians. God parted the river. They worried about food. God made bread rain down from Heaven. They worried about their enemies. God defeated them without a weapon being raised. Are we seeing a pattern here? Hmmm. It sounds suspiciously like mine! Worry. God provides. Worry. God provides . . .

Why do I have such a short spiritual memory? At every turn, every new venture, God has more than provided. I never saw it coming, the "how" of His provision, but it has always come. I would think that by now, with all that I have seen Him do in our lives, that I would be so over this "worrying" thing and so into this "trusting" thing.

But is anything harder than trusting someone else with your child? Is anything more difficult than letting go and letting them learn to fly?

Sigh. Right now, my answer is "no".

But, I still have to let her go. I will confidently take the "First Day of School" picture, reassure her that she will not get lost and smile and wave as I pull away from the carpool line.

And then like so many other moms, I will pull away a safe distance before dissolving in tears. And then I will probably call my husband and wait for his reminder that all is well. It's just another semester.

Okay. Since writing this, my girl has been in Kinder for a week now. And I survived! Actually, it was nowhere near as traumatic as I thought it would be. Did not even cry! Seriously! I still miss her during the day, but the excitement I hear in her voice every day at pick-up is so worth it. What really threw me for a loop? When I went to drop off our 2 year old for pre-school the next day. I figured I made it through the big-bad-Kindergarten first day . . . what's preschool for 2 mornings a week? Um, but guess who dropped off her middle "baby" and then pulled a safe distance away before bawling all the way home? Sigh. Just another semester . . .

Brain Cells, I Miss You. XOXOXO

2011-08-04T07:43:00.003-04:00

After long writing hiatuses (is that even a word? spell check didn't fuss at me, but it still looks strange. anyway.), I usually pop on here and say something like, "Wow, can't believe how long it's been, going to try to write more, blah, blah, blah."

And then 4 more months pass. Lather, rinse, repeat.

So. No more of those delusional statements. With three children ages 5, 2 and almost 1 I have come to peace with a crazy radical idea: I will write when I have time. And be okay with that.

Wow. Did that blow your socks off or what?

Take a moment and collect yourselves.

Alrighty then, moving on. I really have nothing deep to share today. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've been wading in the shallow end all week. Case in point? So far this week I have learned the following:

-When making coffee, it seems to work better to add water to the coffee maker. It makes it, um, more liquidy;

-Sewing machines will not run without electricity. Therefore, it might be helpful to actually remove the plug from the packaging before tossing the box into the garage for trash day;

-If confounded why your fabric is wet and cold during ironing,as opposed to warm and steamy, it is a generally accepted practice to plug the iron into the wall. See sewing machine example.

-Before deciding that your vacuum cleaner must be on the fritz since it is not actually sucking up any dirt, it would be a good idea to turn the switch from "hose" to "floor". Especially before "vacuuming" half a room until noticing this.

Seriously, people!! What is wrong with me this week?? These aren't exactly difficult tasks!

Please make me feel better and tell me you've been there, too. And if you haven't, at least make up something really good...

Peace That Passes Understanding

2011-03-03T15:38:00.004-05:00

We're on the brink of a new little adventure around our household. New leadership in my husband’s company brought reorganization and his job, along with many others, was eliminated. As of Saturday, my husband will no longer be employed and we enter the now common world of a gazillion other people in this country.

We've known about this for about a month now, and honestly, we are at peace and just fine. Really. Don't mistake that for a peace that comes from knowing what is coming next because we have NO IDEA on that front. This could be a short season or a long drought - Christians are by no means exempt from the trials of this world. (Click here for a post I did recently on that very topic.)

No, this peace we have comes only from knowing WHO is writing the manuscript rather than what's on the next page. This has been a lesson l-o-n-g in the making for me. In fact, I think the biggest evidence of Christ in my life is the change in my thinking over the last 5 years or so and how He has chiseled away at my anxiety and worry.

Although there have been many lessons along the way, there was a clear, defining moment in my journey to full trust in Christ. Can I share?

About 3 1/2 years ago, our oldest daughter was about 18 months old and we joyfully discovered we were expecting again. Since we had struggled with infertility for 2 years prior to our daughter's birth, this was a surprising and welcome event! And although I was beside myself with giddiness, I could not shake a nagging feeling that something was not quite right. (Looking back, I know without a doubt now it was the Spirit preparing my heart.)

At 7 weeks I started having symptoms that alarmed me, but I was assured that I had probably overexerted myself somehow and I should just take it easy for a few days.

Again, I had a restless feeling that I just could not shake. I awoke one night so anxious in my soul that I knew trying to sleep was useless. In the still, quiet darkness I sat on our living room couch and talked with God. Really, I talked at Him, asking Him over and over for peace, for healing, for safety for the baby. No matter what I said, my soul felt like I was grasping at spiritual straws, but coming up empty-handed.

I then realized what I had to do, and as much as I did NOT want to say those words for fear of what it could mean, I told God that I surrendered the situation, and our baby, to Him. That only He knew what was happening and I would trust in Him. Peace immediately flooded my soul and I was able to sleep soundly the rest of the night.

A few days later, I miscarried and lost the baby.

Grief and sadness does not even begin to describe the depth of my despair. Even at 7 1/2 weeks pregnant, I loved that baby as much as if I had held it in my arms. And even though I believe God prepared my heart for the loss before it happened, I struggled so much with understanding why He would allow such a thing. Why allow me to carry a precious little one only to have it taken away? Why us, who loved and wanted this baby so much?

In the following days I continued really struggling with God over why He allowed this to happen. I eventually came to a spiritual fork in the road. I realized I now had two choices: 1) Throw up my hands and walk away from God or 2) Choose to stay with Him and trust Him even though I was angry, sad and confused.

That’s it. There was no more gray area and I felt a very tangible pressing to make a conscious decision. Because I really could not imagine not having God in my life – even in my anger, grief and confusion – I chose to take the path that included Him in the picture. And believe me, it was a choice not a feeling. I didn’t feel like praying. I didn’t want to sing. I didn’t even want to crack open my Bible most days. But when I did, it was out of obedience and He showed me things and grew me in ways I never could have imagined. I can honestly say that my faith today is infinitely stronger because of the deep waters I waded through with God during this time.

It’s not to garner sympathy that I wanted to share this story. I know many of you have walked or are walking difficult paths – it’s part of being human. I wanted to share this to point to the unforgettable lesson God taught me:

I came to learn that when nothing makes sense, when it is unfathomable why God has allowed something catastrophic to happen, it is best to step away from the questions and make the conscious choice to trust in WHO God is: From His Word we know without a doubt that He is faithful, purposeful and the author of unfailing love. That He has promised never to leave us or forsake us. That He knits each of us together in our mother’s womb and knows every hair on our head. His thoughts toward each of us outnumber the grains of sand. (See Lamentations 3:22-23, Isaiah 46:10, Psalm 138:8, Psalm 13:5, Hebrews 13:5, Psalm 139:13, 17-18, Matthew 10:30)

It was this lesson that ushered me into the ability to be at peace in spite of whatever circumstance I find myself in. (And read “ability” as “able to be reminded by the Spirit to pray for the strength to remember and act on this lesson”!)

Which brings me back to this season our family is about to enter. Like I said earlier, I have no idea what is coming next, how long it will last or what the final outcome of this situation will be. But what I DO know now, thanks to a lesson I never would have asked for but couldn’t live without, is that I can trust God 100% because of WHO He is.

And that, my friends, delivers an unshakeable peace in a very shaky world.

P.S. In case you missed it, we have a winner from my last post! Actually, two winners because there were really two big mistakes (Um, yeah. Totally did that on purpose . . .) The "a baby changes everything" slogan is from Johnson & Johnson, not Gerber and I should have written "kryptonite" instead of "Krypton" at the end. Apparently I need to brush up on my Superman knowledge. Yay for Diana and Kimberly!

Random Reward

2011-02-27T16:40:00.003-05:00

First of all, I have to say that y'all's responses to my last post cracked me up! Who knew anyone but me would find my random thoughts entertaining? (By the way, as a Texas girl living in Georgia I have double rights to use "y'all".)

Second of all, I made a HUGE mistake in that post and I cannot believe no one has called me on it yet! Or maybe you noticed and were too kind to point it out. At any rate, I'm not 'fessing up as to what it was. You know you want to go look now.

Tell you what. (Wow, I'm really breaking out the Texan-ese today.) The first person who catches this particular mistake and leaves it in a comment on this post deserves something. I haven't quite decided what yet, but I'm thinking along the lines of chocolate since that clearly consumed most of my post. ;-)

So: Find my mistake. Leave a comment. If you're the first correct one I will reward you with something yummilicious.

I make a pretty mean chocolate chip cookie, if I do say so myself. Or maybe I should send those Thin Mints that caused me so much trouble in the first place. Oops - did I really type that last sentence? Temporary insanity. I mean, y'all are awesome and all, but really. Who gives away Thin Mints?

I digress.

Where was I? Oh, right. Mistake, comment, reward. Happy reading!

Oh, The Randomness

2011-02-23T06:14:00.003-05:00

Well, here it is. Six a.m., everyone is still asleep and I actually have time to sit and write a post. There's only one problem: The coffee has not made it's way to my brain quite yet and I cannot think of a decent post topic to save my life!

It would be shameful to let this perfect writing environment slip away in vain. Nevermind the fact that I have nothing to write about. Beside the point.

So to be a good steward of an absolutely quiet house I now present to you my list of completely random thoughts. And they are, oh, so random.

Sometimes my husband will look at a quiet me and ask, "What are you thinking about?" After 10 years of marriage you think he would have learned by now. I let him in to my deeply analytical mind and spend the next 5 minutes explaining how I was contemplating, let's say, chocolate. That would not surprise most of you that know me.

But not just the yumminess of my favorite food (Yes, food. Not favorite dessert, but favorite food. If you know me, you get this.) Who in the world was this first person who looked at the cacao plant and thought, "Hmmm. I bet if I pick that bean, grind it up and add some stuff it would be incredibly delicious." Did they try this with other beans? Did we almost end up with black-eyed pea fudge or pinto bean cake?

Oh, yes. That is the tip of the iceberg. About a nanosecond into said conversation I'm pretty sure hubby is making a mental note not to ask me what I'm thinking. Ever.

So, although you didn't ask, this is my blog and I can ramble on, pretending that you are still reading and that you are still highly interested in my list of randomalities:

1. You've seen the Gerber commercials that proclaim, "A baby changes everything."? So true. I never thought I'd see the day when, after a major coffee disaster, I would lament the lost coffee more than the stain it caused on the floor.

2. Considering my apparent love of chocolate, you may find this next statement odd: I have given up sweets for a week. That is painful to write. Let's just say it had something to do with a eating a shameful amount of Thin Mints. And when you look forward to the children waking up at night so you have an excuse to sneak downstairs for more, well, there might just be a problem. I actually put all sweets into a bag and had my husband hide them while I wasn't home. It took exactly 2 hours for me to decide this was a stupid idea. Super. Only 166 hours to go.

3. However, this is nothing compared to my all-or-nothing hubby. He once gave up fried foods for a year (and you bet we headed to Jack in the Box at 12:01 a.m. for french fries when it was over). That man of mine has really topped himself this time. He has also given up sweets. For a YEAR. No birthday cakes, no Ben & Jerry's movie night, no Hot Tamales. This is the man who, when we were dating, literally ate a package of Skittles and a Slurpee every single day. He is awesome.

4. It now occurs to me that my first three randomalities were all about food. Yikes. Moving on . . .

5. I never thought I would like an e-reader. But I am now officially hooked on my Nook - love it, love it, love it. The only downside is that it is WAY too easy to buy new books on that thing. Very dangerous for an avid reader. "What honey? There was a $483.21 charge to Barnes & Noble? Um, hey, look over there! Is that a huge box of Skittles?!" Exit stage left.

6. Kids are hilarious. For the longest time our almost-five-year-old has said that Acts was her favorite book of the Bible. A friend of mine asked her why and she replied, "Because an ax is an old-time tool and I like to play with my tools so that's why I like Acts." Love that girl.

7. The same daughter usually loves to have everyone go around the table at dinner and tell about their day. One night she was in a mood and wouldn't talk. So I decided to pretend I was her and told all about her day in my best imitation of her. She cracked up and then decided to tell about MY day in her best mommy voice. Want a fresh perspective on your day? Ask a preschooler. What I got was, "I cleaned, cleaned, cleaned, took care of sisters, cleaned, cleaned, cleaned, took care of sisters..."

8. Which is ironic because I really hate to clean. Company must have been coming.

9. I recently took up running again which I really do love. Except the last time I seriously ran consistently was when we lived in Texas. Where it is flat - like land should be - and I could go a decent distance before tuckering out. Georgia, um, not so flat. Hills make for gorgeous scenery but awful running!

10. Is anyone still actually reading this?? I'm impressed. Thanks, Mom.

This concludes my list of randomness. Not because I'm out of random thoughts. Oh, no, dear friends. That is impossible. But because my quiet, sleepy house is about to burst into action and I still have to do grown-up things like make breakfast and dress children.

Maybe my next post will have more coherent thoughts. Instead of just, well, thoughts. But no guarantees. Depends on how soon I get the coffee in my system and if I'm detoxed from the sweets yet. Hey, maybe the sugar is actually the secret to my writing. You know, kind of like Krypton to Superman. But opposite. Nevermind.

Did I mention there's no end to my random thoughts?? :-)

Foundation Check

2011-01-11T16:09:00.000-05:00

It's been some time since I've been able to post regularly. In fact, it's quite possible there was an audible creaking noise as the browser pulled up my site...

I happened to take a glance at one of the sidebars and noticed this fun little stat regarding the number of posts by year:

2009 - 123

2010 - 12

Um, is there a digit missing there or something??

That is so sad.

So here's my feeble attempt at trying to post more often, mostly because I really do enjoy writing and it's nice to have a hobby besides changing diapers.

With that said, this little post has been rattling around in my head for quite some time now. Actually, after the past 5ish weeks we've had around here the rattle became more like a jackhammer as God reminded me of a very important truth.

You see, I've had a bad case of Jobitis. Never heard of it? Symptoms include whining, crying and incessantly asking God to explain Himself. This often leads to a big ol' pity party and wondering why God is picking on you. (See the book of Job in the Bible for the case study.)

Compared to many problems around the world, like, um, having enough food or clean water, my problems are nothing. And I know that.

But in MY world it has been week upon week of challenging situations that have me literally pulling the covers up over my head every morning wondering if anyone would notice if I didn't crawl out of bed that day. I cannot count how many mornings I looked at my husband and said, "I can't do this today."

Of course, the Lord sustained me each and every day. But does anyone else just get tired of it being hard? I pray, read my Bible and love the Lord. We teach our children how to love God and try our best to serve others. And, still this barrage of difficulties day after day?

In other words: WHY ME?

Enter a little story Jesus told in Matthew 7:24-27 about a wise man and a foolish man who both built houses with very different foundations.

("Ohhhh, the rains came down and the floods came up..." If you spent any time in Sunday school this song is going to be in your head all day now. You're welcome.)

I've heard the story, sung the song and read the passage countless times. But something different stuck out to me recently. Look:

24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

Notice anything about the situation of the wise man and the foolish man? Look again:

24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” (emphasis mine)

Not only did they both experience a storm, but the storms were exactly the same.

As a follower of Jesus I find myself unconsciously engaging God in an unspoken contract. You know, I follow You and You spare me situations that become too uncomfortable or too difficult. K? Thanks.

The tiny little problem with that is God doesn't make contracts and never promises anything of the sort. In fact, Jesus said quite the opposite:

"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33b

We live in a fallen world and the storms of life come -and come hard - whether you are a believer or not. So what's a person to do?

Check your foundation.

In the story of the wise and foolish man both built houses, both underwent the exact same great storm. But only one house stood because its foundation was on the rock.

Or rather, on the Rock.

And what happened to the foolish man's house? It didn't just fall, it fell with a "great crash". Been there, done that. The last thing anyone needs after a great storm is a great crash.

So if the storms of life come no matter what, the only thing we can do is to make sure our foundation is strong. My prayer this morning changed from "Lord, please change _____" to "Lord, whatever happens today, please be my foundation."

Just because I'm a believer does not mean I'm exempt from the storms of life (as much as I wish that I were). So unless I want my "house" to go "splat", I need to put the Word into practice and daily build my life on the Lord Jesus Christ.

Which sounds suspiciously like a little Sunday school song I used to sing.

(It's still in your head isn't it? Muah-ha-ha!)

Still

2010-09-26T10:39:00.002-04:00

The other night, my husband took our two older girls to meet with our small group from church. Our newborn daughter was not quite ready to make her debut (or it's quite possible I didn't feel like putting on anything besides a t-shirt and stretchy pants . . .)which left me with an unusually quiet home for a few hours.

Music is almost constantly in the background at our house. Usually some kind of praise and worship because goodness knows I need to "set my heart on things above" when "earthly things" include running interference between a grumpy preschooler, a tired toddler and a wailing newborn. (And why, oh why, do those always occur at the very same time??)

Anyway.

With the ever-present music in the background that night, the little one snuggled up in my arms and drifted off to sleep. Looking at her sweet, peaceful face I was suddenly reminded of how I used to play lullabies to our oldest and dance her around the room when she was that age.

I whispered to our sweet one how I missed doing that with the other two (time does fly by so quickly) and so seized the opportunity. Carly Simon poured "Julie Through the Glass" through the speakers and we swirled and swayed through the kitchen.

Whether it was the song (it wrecks me every time but it's so beautiful) or the moment , I couldn't stop the tears down my face as I realized how still and content my daughter was in my arms. No one had to convince her to settle down, she didn't protest or busy herself with other things. All she knew was she was in mommy's arms and all was well.

What really wrecked me was realizing how much more our Heavenly Father must long for us, His children, to be that still in His own arms. To not have to be convinced being still is good, to not protest or busy ourselves. But to just be still and know we our in our Father's arms and all is well.

And, suddenly, I longed to be that infant in His arms. To feel that kind of peace and security. Not coincidentally, a few verses sprang to mind . . .

"Be still, and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

And one of my favorites:

"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." Zephaniah 3:17 (italics mine)

Just as I soaked up every moment singing over the very picture of peace and contentment in my arms that night, God, too, longs for us to be still in His arms as He sings over us.

Snuggle up in His arms, little one. God's lullaby is calling you. Shhhhh . . .

Crazy Love

2010-08-07T13:12:00.003-04:00

I've currently got my nose in a little book titled "Crazy Love" by Francis Chan. Let me tell you, it certainly packs some big ideas into a small number of pages. I love, love, love to read. Once a book grabs me, I find it nearly impossible to put down and fly through it in no time.

But "Crazy Love" is a bit different. It's a book about the unrelenting love of God and what our lives might look like if we truly lived like we loved Him. Really loved Him. Head-over-heels-can't-stop-thinking-about-you-this-changes-everything kind of loved Him.

This book completely captivates me but I can only read about a chapter at a time. The thoughts presented by Mr. Chan are so convicting and thought-provoking that I have to put the book down and digest my latest reading for a few days.

One of the recent prevailing themes I've been chewing on is really how wealthy we are in the United States. We throw around terms like "broke" when over half of the world's population lives on less than $2 a day. We are so used to the luxury we live in that it skews our perspective.

Even today, as I was making yet another pb&j sandwich for lunch I caught myself mentally grumbling:

"We eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches almost every day!"

The thought had just barely escaped my brain before the great Editor of attitudes did some proofreading and marked some of His corrections. According to Him, this is really how that sentence should have gone:

"We eat. Every day."

Which should have been followed by a prayer of gratitude and praise, for that is not the case for many people.

This is not purposed to induce guilt, but rather to open our eyes to how much we really have. And how much of that do we really need?

Mr. Chan's point in "Crazy Love" is what if we changed the way we lived - sacrificing so that others may have even the basic necessities. Not giving when there's extra, but sacrificing. (He walks the walk, by the way. One of the changes he, his wife and four children made was moving from a spacious home into a trailer park in order to free up more money/resources to give. Um, yeah...)

Squirming yet?

Me, too.

Just some food for thought today, so to speak. And I highly recommend taking the plunge into "Crazy Love". Just find yourself a nice, cozy reading spot to settle in with it for a while. (But make sure there's enough room to squirm. You'll need it.)

Run On

2010-06-23T13:47:00.003-04:00

Whether it was the shoes, the amount of time I was there, the sweet baby girl due to appear in a few months - or all of the above - my feet and back were telling me all about my trip to Target on the way home and into the night. They were not happy.

My husband jokingly suggested I should shop barefoot next time, which prompted a discussion about a increasingly popular trend in the running world to hit the pavement barefoot. (Yes, we have odd discussions like this quite a bit. I do love that man of mine!) Hubby is a great runner, not only because of his physical capabilities, but he is so knowledgeable about the science and mechanics of it.

Marathon Man pointed out that there are certain populations that have a culture of running - always done barefoot - and they can go for crazy long distances (think 40+ miles).

It's in their blood.

I personally could not get over the distance people are apparently capable of achieving. Husband noted that we are the only creation with that ability - many wild animals obviously have speed and agility on us but none could outrun us distance-wise. Their bodies do not have the sweating/cooling capability that humans do and they will overheat and die. (Ever seen anyone running a marathon with their doggie? Um, not so much.)

The spiritual parallel sprang into my ever-analytical mind.

Of all the beautiful creatures God has made, of all His magnificent creation, we are the only ones made to spiritually endure this life. To run the race He has marked out for us. To go the distance until greeted with "Well done, good and faithful servant" at that beautiful finish line (which is really another beginning).

Lions have might, but not perseverance. Bears have power, but not endurance. When an animal dies, it has reached the end. God did not create them to inherit His eternal kingdom. That honor belongs solely to the Lord's most magnificent creation of all - us.

When steep inclines intrude on our nice little jog through life, the temptation comes to throw in the towel. But keep going. Persevere. God made you to.

It's in your blood.

And one day, you will fulfill the same hope that Paul communicates to the Philippians:

"...that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing."
Philippians 2:16

2010-06-09T21:57:00.002-04:00

We really don't watch the news much around here. Not that we don't want to be informed, but having dumped cable and using *gasp* just an antenna leaves us with mostly local news.

Boring. Depressing. Ick.

I don't miss cable bills or endless channel surfing. But I DO miss the news channels. I used to love cable news - Brad and I would settle down in front of O'Reilly and then spend the rest of the evening going back and forth over the talking points.

These days our news stories come more from radio, Internet, word of mouth, and - admittedly - Facebook. Not the same, but it still boils down to the same effect: Delivering the verdict that, yes, this world is still a heap of a mess today.

I met some girlfriends at a pizza place tonight and couldn't help glancing up at CNN every now and then. Even though I couldn't hear it, the visuals were more than enough to remind me how much yuck is in the world right now.

After much pizza, laughter and chatter I started the drive home, the mess of news stories that I had caught in glimpses still in the back of my mind.

But then as I drove, I noticed the fog hovering over the river against an indigo blue sky. I realized the little flashes of light I kept seeing to the side of the road were the lightning bugs making their nightly debut. My spirit immediately calmed as I stepped out of my car into the dusky silence of our driveway, noticing the blur between the tips of the pine trees and the skyline was fading as night descended.

Deep breath. Smile. Some things are still very right in this world.

10 Minutes, 2 Things

2010-06-07T19:27:00.003-04:00

I'm not sure what first prompted it, but for about a year now there has been something on my heart that simultaneously grieves, angers and motivates me: The persecution of our Christian brothers and sisters around the world.

How can one not be grieved when you see a picture of a 4-year old girl missing an arm due to a machete attack on her village targeted toward Christians?

How can I not be angry that this isn't front-page news? That most Western Christians have NO clue what is going on? I know I didn't until about a year ago. I had some vague idea that in some places things were not good for Christians. I had NO idea.

And how, after learning even a portion of what goes on, can I not be motivated to do something?

Like I said, this has really been on my heart for about a year now. But within the last few weeks I feel like the Lord has really been bringing it to the forefront of my attention.

Just within the last two weeks He has:

- Put a book in my hands regarding Christian martyrs and persecution both past and present

- Brought a family into our circle that is in ministry for Iranian Christians, including the persecuted in Iran (Iran is not exactly a Christian-friendly place to live, you know)

- Literally brought to my door another ministry that serves persecuted Christians around the world

I think I'm sensing a theme here . . .

I hope to be writing more about this soon, but in the meantime can I encourage you to do two things? They won't take more than a few minutes each. Promise. But the effect could be life-changing for you and/or someone across the planet.

1) Check out one of these websites. They are easy to navigate and just a quick glance on any of them will give you just a taste of what is going on around the world. Seriously - just take 5 minutes and look at:

www.persecution.com (The Voice of the Martyrs - this organization serves persecuted Christians and their families around the world)

www.persecution.org (International Christian Concern - I don't know much about this organization. They are out of D.C. so I don't know political ties, etc. but they have an excellent summary of situations around the world)

www.elam.com (Elam Ministries - serving Iranian Christians both here, in Iran, and I believe out of England as well)

2) After checking out one of the websites, PRAY. Please, oh, please pray for your Christian brothers and sisters. Pray for their countries, their governments, their protection and safety, their families and their faith. Lift them up before our Father. Just spare a few minutes and PRAY.

Ten minutes (at most) to do two things that could have a big impact:

Read. Pray.

Okie dokie?

Go.

The Plan

2010-05-18T14:14:00.004-04:00

I'm definitely an information girl.

I want all the details, all the possibilities, and then I can decide what to do with it. How to react. Which path to take.

God is not so much into information, I've come to find out. It turns out He's more concerned with our hearts than with our circumstances.

Go figure.

I cannot count how many times I have pleaded with God for an answer in the midst of a trying situation. Any answer. Even a "no" would be better than day-by-day waiting or "just trust Me".

But then sometimes I wonder if having a solid answer, a divine checklist of how to solve the problem, would really do me any good. For one, my eyes and heart would definitely be more focused on what's around me than Who's above me. And, two, I wonder if I would even believe it.

The other day I was reading part of King Jehoshaphat's story in 2 Chronicles 20. When word came of an impending attack against Judah, the king immediately inquired of the Lord regarding what he should do. Talk about being in need of a quick, definitive answer!

As the people fasted and Jehoshaphat prayed, the Spirit of the Lord came upon one of the men in the crowd. He prophesied this answer from the Lord:

15 He said: "Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. 16 Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. 17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' "
2 Chron. 20:15-17

So basically, the Lord told Jehoshaphat that he should go out against these three enemy armies but that he wouldn't have to fight. And, oh yeah, don't be afraid.

I don't know how the king felt about that message - although the text does tell us he bowed low and worshipped the Lord - but there seems to be just a few little details missing from that gameplan.

Like HOW in the world they would actually defeat three huge armies without a fight. Minor detail.

To Jehoshaphat's credit, he was completely obedient and trusted the Lord. It turned out that as his army went out, he appointed singers to walk ahead of them to praise the Lord. (Can you see some of them saying, "Um, see, I'm in the choir and didn't really sign up for this battle thing . . .")

When the three enemy armies heard the loud singing, they actually turned on each other and completely annihilated their allies! By the time the army of Judah got there, all they found were dead bodies - not a single enemy soldier remained.

So it seems that the Lord's plan worked pretty well after all.

Go figure.

However, can you imagine what would have happened if, in response to Jehoshaphat's original plea for help, the Lord would have spelled out the entire plan? "See, I'm going to have your army march out but you're going to put your worship leaders in front. And then before you even get there, all your enemies are going to kill each other. Then you'll get there just in time to gather up their goodies. Okie dokie?"

I honestly don't know which scenario would take more faith - to not know what was going to happen and just trust the Lord, or to know - realize how completely crazy and unrealistic it sounded - and still trust the Lord to follow through on it.

Perhaps Jehoshaphat would have obeyed regardless. But maybe not. Maybe his army would have rebelled. Or maybe come up with "Plan B". Who knows.

But I do know that when I look back over certain situations in my life, if the Lord had told me ahead of time His plan I don't think I would have gone along with it. Or maybe I would have with only half a heart. Or maybe I would have wasted so much time arguing with Him about it that I would have missed His blessings in the midst of it.

My point is that, as much as I want to know the plan (and believe me, I do) I have to praise the Planmaker for His wisdom in not always sharing it with me.

(And can I throw in a praise for my lack of singing ability? You know, just in case that scenario were to repeat itself some day. I'm just sayin'.)

I've Got The Power

2010-05-14T19:25:00.003-04:00

Depending on your age, that title either brings to mind a suh-weet C+C Music Factory song circa 1990-something OR the awesomeness of He-Man. Or for a select few of us lucky ones, both. (He-Man was so much cooler than She-Ra. But I digress . . .)

We're walking through quite a season of separation anxiety with our 4 year old. She has always struggled with this in degrees, but an unfortunate experience at the dentist office last month seems to have pushed her over the edge. Heartbreaking? You bet.

It seems we've been pulling out every possible parenting tool hoping that something will bring this season to an end. One of my favorites, of course, is Scripture. God's word is "living and active" (Hebrews 4:12) and I believe very applicable to any of us, even my preschooler.

Before bedtime the other night (always triggers an episode) I reminded her that God "did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of love, power and self-control." (2 Timothy 1:7) She asked, "What kind of power? Like Flower Power?" (from a Backyardigans episode).

Um, not so much.

I tried my best to explain how when we make Jesus the Lord of our life, that the Holy Spirit comes and lives inside of us. That means we have God's power in us to help us. Of course, that raised all sorts of questions in itself. After fielding them to the best of my ability, I had questions in my own mind as well!

So, what is this power God has given us? I have a feeling I could spend a lifetime researching, praying, reading and thinking and never fully comprehend it. And I'm okay with that. There's nothing wrong with seeking answers, but we have to be content that some things will remain a mystery while we're on this earth. God is God after all.

But I ran across a passage today in Ephesians that seems to at least partly answer the question. I had to read it about seven times to really let it sink in . . .

16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3:16-21

As an encouragement to the Ephesians, it seems that Paul points out three different workings of Christ's power in us:

1) So that Christ may live and dwell in our hearts (v. 17)

2) To be able to understand and know the fullness of Christ's love for us (v. 18-19)

3) To enable God to do more than we could fathom, or even ask for, through us to bring Him glory (v. 20-21)

Wow. Actually, that's just the tip of the iceberg. Do a search on "power" on Biblegateway.com for the New Testament and just a quick scan of the verses reveals a plethora of other workings of Christ's power in us.

Can I say it again? WOW.

Of course, this power has nothing to do with ourselves. Paul makes that clear in a letter to the Corinthians:

"But we have this power in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." 2 Cor. 4:7

God's power resting in our fragile selves. (I'd put in another WOW here, but that would be redundant I suppose.)

SO.

At least now I have a partial answer for our daughter: Christ's power in us helps us to know Him and His love more, and also to bring Him glory.

And even if she doesn't fully comprehend that now, I pray that God will just cover her in His peace and love during this season of anxiety. And He will, you know.

He's powerful like that.

The Spot

2010-04-20T11:47:00.004-04:00

I am convinced that everybody needs a spot.

You know, a place to escape everyday life. To mentally vacation even if only for a few minutes.

My spot is on the back deck enveloped in the adirondack chair my dad made for us. The kelly green canopy goes as high and far as I can see. Feet (must be bare feet you know) are up on a bench stolen from the nearby picnic table. Head back, sunglasses on. No book, no iPod. I want to just sit and listen to nothing for a while.

Even if I can sit here for a few minutes I feel completely refreshed (although wishing I could stay much longer than I'm usually able).

So, I'm curious:
What's your spot??

Rattles

2010-04-15T14:50:00.004-04:00

Wow - almost 2 months since the last post! I just can't seem to get motivated to sit, think and write. But I figured today I will at least sit and write - with as little thinking as possible. :-) So here are things rattling around in my head lately:

-It was the good Lord's wisdom to give kiddos a "trainer" set of teeth. They get all their trips, falls and accidents out of the way (mostly) before the "real" ones come in. This was a very good idea.

-I'm realizing sometimes my "small" prayer requests mean just as much to me as the "biggies". And it's almost harder to receive a "no" to a small request. But that's my human mind - I forget that there is no difference to God. It's not as if He'll say "yes" to a smaller request because it's easier for Him. There's no "easy" or "hard" for God. There just "is" or "isn't". (And could I use quote marks any more in this paragraph??)

-Spring - also a fabulous idea on the Lord's part! As if He needs my opinion, but still, I think it's pretty great.

-Baby monitors: a blessing and a curse.

-Did you ever wonder why there is no "Joseph" tribe in the Bible when he was one of Jacob's 12 sons? This did not occur to me until the other day and really bothered me until I figured it out. (And I'm not tellin' . . . hee hee!)

-Dead bird on back porch = Our doggie's idea of a "get well soon" present to her best bud, our 1 year old, after she took a fall. Very sweet in doggie world. Very gross in my world.

-Husband and I have very different ideas of camping. His includes a tent - all other equipment/facilities optional. Mine includes a camper/shelter, flush toilet and a real bed. We don't go camping together very often.

So. Sitting and writing. Very little thinking. Result: very random post. Maybe my brain will kick into gear one of these days . . .

-

Vision Check

2010-02-28T21:07:00.003-05:00

I have been feeling just beat down lately. Anyone else there?

For about the past two weeks my heart and mind have been occupied:

-Many of my friends are in incredible pain right now for various reasons.

-People I don't know, but whose stories I have followed, are hurting in unimaginable ways.

-The world around us is a literal mess - natural disasters, poverty, persecution, so many that are spiritually lost.

Sometimes the realization of how much pain is in the world causes me vision problems: I get spiritual myopia. The pain feels near and very clear while goodness seems far off and fuzzy.

In the midst of my near-sightedness I noticed the Bible verse for today sitting by my kitchen window:

I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.

Psalm 27:13-14

I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

When I allow God to put His lenses in front of my flawed eyesight the fuzziness comes into focus. I will see His goodness. Not just one day in the future, but right now in the land of the living.

This doesn't take the reality of worldly pain away. But, in my eyes, it offers hope.

And that's something worth looking for.

God's Goodness

2010-02-16T11:22:00.002-05:00

Several years ago my dearest friend's father was in the midst of a horrific medical crisis. A "routine" procedure had gone very, very wrong and after literally being brought back to life there was much uncertainty about how much damage was done.

God's people responded. One night church members that had come to support the family and pray overflowed out of the hospital waiting area and into hallways. My sweet friend's family was lifted up continuously to our Father.

When it became apparent that little permanent damage had been done - and this defied any medical reasoning - people rightly glorified God. They exclaimed over and over to my friend, "God is so good!"

And then she posed a question to me that I will never forget:

"What if God hadn't healed Dad? Would these people still know that God is good?"

Wow.

That question still gives me goosebumps mostly because the rock-solid faith of my dear friend blew me away.

But she had a point.

I think maybe what we mean to say in those situations, when God says "yes" to a dramatic request, is "That was so good of God!" Because my friend was right. God IS good. All the time. Unfailing. No matter what His answer to our request.

And if He, for whatever reason, had chosen to say "no" to the many pleas over her father's life He still would be just as good.

That's really hard to say. And really hard to swallow sometimes. Because it doesn't feel good when the answer is "no", when the life is not spared, when the job does not come through, when life is just really hard.

But see, my feelings don't dictate God's character. And really, that's a good thing.

Oh, I've been told "no" to an urgent plea. And it hurt. As Beth Moore puts it in a book of hers, it hurt my feelings. I'm not going to pretend that all these years later I get it now, that I understand why He said "no". That I now see the glorious purpose in the pain.

Um, no.

But has my faith been stretched? You betcha. Because at that moment, when the "no" hurt to the very marrow, God gave me a choice: 1)abandon Him, the one who said "no" or 2)cling to Him even though I was hurt. There was no in-between.

So with a deep breath, many tears and hurt feelings I chose to stay. And although there's so much I still don't understand about those circumstances, a peace that passes understanding allowed me to start digesting that God had not failed me.

He was still good.

Life's hard. We live in a fallen world with situations that bring us to our knees, crying for the Lord to come quickly. And it's right for us to pray, to pray for miracles, to pray for compassion, to pray for healing. We are God's dearly loved children and He loves to give good gifts to us.

It's hard to say this without saying cold or trite. Please hear the tenderness in my heart, the heart that's also withstood a devastating "no", when I say to remember that God is still good when bad things happen. He does not want us to fall away on account of circumstances. Instead He wants us to run to Him so He can embrace us and wipe the tears from our face.

And because God is good, remember that this world is not our home. One day there will be no tears, no heartbreak, no enemy.

And that is very, very good.

Wants and Needs

2010-02-05T11:51:00.003-05:00

Do you ever get the feeling God is trying to tell you something?

Last week, the scheduled lesson to teach my 2nd graders at church was how God provided manna from Heaven and water from a rock to his grumbling children. We really focused on how God always, always provides what we need. He may choose to also provide wants and sometimes he doesn't. But He always supplies our needs.

When I came home I picked up my daughter's Sunday school handout to see what they had discussed in her class: Jesus using the boy's fish and loaves to feed thousands. Um, in other words, how God provided exactly what the people needed at the right time.

Then this morning I was half-listening to the little Bible cartoon my daughter was watching. But my ears perked up when I realized they were talking about how God always supplies what we need even if He doesn't supply what we want.

Hmmm.

This makes me a little nervous, honestly. I have to wonder if something is coming where I will need to remember the lesson of wants vs. needs.

Well, I guess even if something specific never happened it would be a good lesson to remember anyway. Like right now I really want a large piece of chocolate cake and Blue Bell milk chocolate ice cream. This is not a need, this is not a need . . .

2009-11-19T16:32:00.002-05:00

So often I look blissfully at my two daughters, thinking how nice it is to be that young. Playing most of the day, unaware - as they should be - of worldly burdens and responsibilities.

BUT.

This morning I ate chocolate cake for breakfast. Because I could.

There are some advantages to being a grown-up. :-)

God Said

2009-11-13T15:42:00.003-05:00

I rarely read the Bible from book to book. Usually I camp out in one book for a while and then skip to a different one that seems to be calling my name. Admittedly I find myself hanging out in the New Testament most of the time - although I do so love Isaiah and the Psalms.

Last night, on a whim to be different, I started at the beginning. You know, THE beginning. Genesis 1:1.

The first four words alone are enough to captivate me for some time: "In the beginning God . . ."

I thought I knew the Creation story backwards and forwards thanks to years of flannel trees, stars and animals forever etched in my Sunday school memories. But as I read through the familiar story some particular words grabbed my attention.

Take a little looksie with me:

6 And God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." 7 So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. 8 God called the expanse "sky." And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.

9 And God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. 10 God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good.

11 Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so. 12 The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. 13 And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day.

This pattern continues in the same way for the rest of God's creation. In the rhythm of this accounting I find a most reassuring truth. Look again:

6 And God said, "Let there be an expanse between the waters to separate water from water." 7 So God made the expanse and separated the water under the expanse from the water above it. And it was so. 8 God called the expanse "sky." And there was evening, and there was morning—the second day.

9 And God said, "Let the water under the sky be gathered to one place, and let dry ground appear." And it was so. 10 God called the dry ground "land," and the gathered waters he called "seas." And God saw that it was good.

11 Then God said, "Let the land produce vegetation: seed-bearing plants and trees on the land that bear fruit with seed in it, according to their various kinds." And it was so. 12 The land produced vegetation: plants bearing seed according to their kinds and trees bearing fruit with seed in it according to their kinds. And God saw that it was good. 13 And there was evening, and there was morning—the third day.

God said.

And it was so.

Beautiful, yes? Such power, such reassurance, such faithfulness packed into six glorious words.

We know that God's character is unchanging (Hebrews 6:17-18) and all Scripture is God-breathed (2 Timothy 2:16). Therefore what He speaks, well, is so.

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

God said. And it is so.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

God said. And it is so.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am." John 14:1-3

God said. And it is so.

"Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved." Acts 4:12

God said. . . Well. I think you get the idea.

In this world of relativity, this culture of confusion, how beautiful the truth becomes. And God is truth. (Psalm 31:5) He said so.

[quotes taken from biblegateway.com ; all italics and emphases mine]

The Evidence

2009-11-05T11:20:00.002-05:00

Yesterday as I was washing dishes I glanced out the window and immediately stopped what I was doing.

A gust of wind had come through our heavily wooded backyard and it now appeared to be raining leaves - swirls of goldenrod and crimson floated gracefully downward until finding a comfortable resting place. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. Absolutely gorgeous.

It occurred to me that this beautiful display probably happens several times a day whether I witness it or not. I know it happens because I see the evidence all over the ground. I was privileged to catch one of those autumnal showings that morning but the show goes on whether or not I see it with my own eyes. It would be ridiculous to claim the leaves never fell from the tree because I didn't personally see it happen.

The evidence around us.

We don't necessarily see God with our own eyes but the evidence is everywhere. A newborn baby. A caterpillar changing into a butterfly. Ocean waves rhythmically pounding the shore. Sunrise. Sunset. A rainbow. The human brain. Towering trees grown from a miniscule seed. Hummingbirds. And on and on . . .

Whose ideas do you suppose those are? It boggles my mind to hear the theory that we evolved from some tiny germ (or as our former preacher used to say, glorified pond scum). How do they suppose that there was nothing - nothing - and then all of a sudden something?? A human explanation cannot account for that and some would rather accept that large, gaping hole than acknowledge a Creator who "calls things that are not as though they were." (Romans 4:17)

It's obvious there is a Creator. Just look at all the evidence around us.

Perspective

2009-11-01T19:56:00.002-05:00

Recently I commented to a friend that the medical trials she and her husband had been through had to have been, among other things, a test of faith.

Her reply was beautiful. She stated she would not call it a test of faith but rather a testimony to the power of God's love as experienced through family and friends.

That powerful perspective inspired me to take the same approach today.

Two years ago today we miscarried our Sweet Baby. It was a devastating loss and although I did not want to dwell on it today it was also impossible not to think about it. I didn't want to mope around today - too many good things going on in the present and besides, what good would it do anyway?- but could not exactly escape the memories either. It seemed right to remember but was not quite sure how to go about that in a spiritually healthy way.

So today I decided to take my friend's approach and chose to focus on and remember how we experienced God's love through such a difficult journey:

The tangible comfort of the Spirit

The leading to literally pages of Scripture that spoke truth and hope into my heart

The kindness of friends and family who let me cry, cried with me and lifted us up in prayer - this was no small thing

The servant heart of the retired neighbor that mowed our lawn with no expectation of credit or thanks

The wisdom of another neighbor that advised me to "grieve well" - I took those words to heart and have since passed them on to others

The ministry of the music sent to me by a dear friend - she knew what I did not at the time, that the need to surround myself with worship music regardless of my desire to worship was crucial. This is something else I have passed on to many.

The friends who left a mysterious care package on my porch - cute pjs, chocolate, lip gloss, and a good movie. This nourished my soul more than they could ever know. It somehow gave me permission to just sink into the couch for a while.

I could go on and on . . .

When I stop, look at the above list and think about how the Lord moved - I mean really moved- through His people I am astounded and humbled to have truly experienced the touch of His hands and movement of His feet.

And then, of course, the knowledge that the ultimate display of the Lord's love - Jesus' death and resurrection - would one day reunite us with our baby. That thought alone moves me to praise. . .

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

So, here we are. Temporarily living in a fallen world that unfortunately includes all kinds of pain and heartache.

But what an amazing Lord we have that buffers our pain with acts of His love.

Pain producing praise . . .let us not miss the miracle in that provision.

Apparently, perspective is everything.

Brain Rattlings

2009-10-30T20:28:00.004-04:00

As in, things rattling around in my head today . . .

*There is something very wrong about large Christmas ornaments hanging above the Halloween section at Target.

*If my dog could talk I wonder if she could ever adequately explain why she believes eating dirty diapers out of the trash is a good idea.

*I really wish Macaroni Grill delivered. Mmmmmm.

*Brownies will suffice for dinner in the absence of above longed-for Macaroni Grill

*Inevitably, children will always get sick right before a weekend or when the husband is out of town. Or both. Why is this???

*We dumped cable. I miss cable. Is it possible to have cable withdrawal?? Oh, TLC, one day we shall meet again . . .

*I think every season at the moment is my favorite season. Fall is breathtaking around here. I literally have laughed out loud or said "Wow!" at turning a corner only to see a blazing red tree jumping out of the foliage. Isn't God beautiful!

*I never was a huge candy corn fan until I met my husband. I now understand the dire importance of purchasing Brach's - and only Brach's - candy corn. Store brand is not acceptable.

Enough rattlings. On to the brownies . . .

Not How It's Supposed to Be

2009-10-24T20:11:00.002-04:00

Please be praying for my longtime friend Pam, her husband Chris and all their family. Last night they said goodbye to their sweet baby Bennett who flew into the arms of Jesus at 6 months old. He was awaiting a heart transplant and held on as long as he could.

I have no words.

But I do hold tightly to the reminder Isaiah gives about the new Heaven and the new Earth that's coming:

"Never again will there be in it an infant who lives but a few days . . ."
Isaiah 65:20a

This is not how it's supposed to be. And it's not how it will always be. But right now it's unfathomable.

Lord, come quickly.

Daydreaming

2009-10-23T13:42:00.002-04:00

The other night I was reading a new favorite book, "What Every Mom Needs", for an upcoming playdate/book discussion with some other moms. (Whatever stage you're in, whether or not it includes motherhood right now, hang with me - this isn't just a "mom" thing.)

"Identity" was the current subject and, in an effort to broaden our job descriptions beyond "mom", the book was attempting to resurrect buried dreams. It asked the simplest question that I still cannot answer:

"What did you daydream about when you were a child?"

I get the point - that we tend to lose ourselves and our dreams as we become older and more tangled in "grown-up" worries and responsibilities. If we can somehow excavate those long-ago musings then maybe we'd at least have a starting point towards where our hearts long to travel.

But I could not for the life of me think of one thing I used to daydream about.

Am I the only one in this boat? Am I so stinkin' analytical that I never let my mind wander? Or did it wander and those whimsical paths are so grown over with worldly weeds that I just can't see them anymore?

I love, love, love being a mom. Just as many of you love your primary calling whatever that may be for you. But I can't imagine that God created us to fill one, and only one, role at a time.

So now I'm doing a lot of soul-searching for those other roles, talents, dreams that would contribute to my continual quest to be ALL God intends me to be. To bring Him glory in every way possible.

By the way, this is not the same as packing my schedule as full as possible with pottery classes and underwater basket-weaving. I think it's more along the lines of choosing to put off mopping the oh-so-nasty kitchen floor for just a little while longer so I can, say, write a post on a too-often neglected blog . . . :-)

Maybe for you it's not grading that stack of papers until you've read a chapter in your favorite book. Or diving into a new recipe, creating artistry in the kitchen, allowing those work e-mails to sit just a little while longer.

Not saying it's easy. Currently I am sitting with my back to this mess of a house so I can't be distracted by it. And I seriously just reread this post for editing with my fingers in my ears in order to focus and block out Little Miss Chatterbox for two minutes.

So.

I'm still looking for those childhood daydreams. Not sure if I'll remember them but at least it's got me thinking and I think that's the point. I hope it got you thinking, too. :-)

To The Desert Dwellers

2009-10-15T11:21:00.002-04:00

As often happens in time of great spiritual growth and renewal, we have been battling the enemy mightily - and sometimes not so mightily - around here.

For the past month there has been spiritual attack after attack launched against our family. The enemy is trying to distract us, discourage us. And to be honest sometimes he succeeds.

But then God reminds me - again - who He is and how much bigger He is than anyone, anything or any circumstance. So when this video came in my inbox today I almost laughed out loud at God's perfect timing. I have a feeling I'm not the only one it might speak to today . . .

Who's Teaching Here?

2009-10-01T12:07:00.002-04:00

The other night my 3-year old and I were reading in her Bible at bedtime. Finishing the well-read story of David and Goliath I asked her:

"Who was bigger: David or Goliath?"

"Goliath."

"Who was stronger?"

Without pause she responded, "God."

Well said, little one.

So This Is What It Looks Like

2009-09-23T12:48:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was, shall we say, an "interesting" day in our household. Let's just say it involved a certain three-year old whom I love dearly acting very, well, THREE.

We are in quite a season in regards to that "three" behavior and it has become very wearing on me. Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. Spiritually. Name it and it feels like it's been stepped on, unfrayed, put through a blender and then worn to a nub.

Anyone been there?

Back to yesterday. To top it off my darling daughter did not fall asleep until midnight. Her usual bedtime is 8:00. Yikes.

Needless to say I was not extremely hopeful when my alarm buzzed me out of bed this morning. I pictured a day where survival with a grumpy, sleepy, emotional preschooler would be just that if successful - survival. (If you think that's an overstatement spend an hour or so around a grumpy three-year old and you'll get my drift.)

I prayed a bit about it and went about my morning routine.

Then she woke up and I braced myself for the first battle of the day.

But she smiled. And laughed. And it's been the best day we've had in a LONG time.

As I was thinking on this anomaly, I was thankful for the peace in our household although it completely escaped my understanding. It simply didn't make sense that she would be 4 hours short on sleep and in the midst of a difficult phase yet be so pleasant today.

Ah.

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:7

Peace that passes understanding . . .

So that's what that looks like. It's so funny what the Lord uses to teach us His truths. This verse will never read the same to me now that I've seen a concrete example of inexplicable peace.

The Lord is so good! (And why am I always surprised when He says "yes" to my prayers?)

Procrastination = New Post

2009-09-02T11:20:00.002-04:00

Well, after my 100 days of blogging I sure did fizzle out on here, huh? In my own defense it has been busier than usual in our little neck of the woods.

I've actually thought about this blog quite a bit and written at least a dozen new posts in my head. Now, getting them into the computer has been another story.

So, because things are still a little scattered around here and I can't think straight enough to post any one, well-thought out post . . .here's the Reader's Digest versions of what's been rambling around in my head lately:

*Over the past year or so I have really been convicted about the suffering and persecution of our Christian brothers and sisters around the world. I have found the easiest way to keep them in the forefront of my prayers is to make this website my home page. Now everytime I turn on the computer to check email or whatever I'm first greeted with a list of current known persecutions and dangerous situations around the world. Just a quick glance and my heart is so sick for our co-heirs in Christ that I have to pray. Try it . ..

*Modesty. Ladies, I'm afraid this one's for you. I've blogged on this before (how visual men are - more so than I ever knew - and how our dress should not be a stumbling block to our brothers in Christ) but it's worth mentioning again. Driving recently, I passed a group of teenage girls advertising a fund-raising carwash. I know they thought they looked darling in their short-shorts but being on THIS side of 13 made me want to go cover them up with their towels. I wasn't aware at 13 either, but they have no clue what creepos are driving by leering at them. And even non-creepo men can hardly divert their attention. So: Ladies set an example for your friends, daughters and any other young girl in your life and dress modestly. Your beauty comes from within, remember? That's what they need to learn, too.

*Our society is profoundly and perhaps irreversibly backwards in their thinking. I recently saw a l-o-n-g commercial for the SPCA featuring lots of sad looking doggies and kitties. The main message of course was to save the animals. I love animals, I believe we are charged with a responsibility to take care of them. But what about save the HUMANS. How is it that some people get teary over animals losing their lives but support abortion? Incomprehensible. (Yes, it makes me angry! But I also know they have been "taken captive by hollow and deceptive practices" and we should pray for them.)

Hmmm. I seem to be on quite a rant today. Maybe I should stop here! We're actually in the middle of moving (close by, but still moving) and I'm thinking that I'm taking out my exhaustion on my poor keyboard. Um. I think I'll go engage in some chocolate therapy and get down off my soapbox now . . .

A Shade From the Heat

2009-07-31T20:57:00.002-04:00

"You have been a refuge for the poor,
a refuge for the needy in his distress,
a shelter from the storm
and a shade from the heat. . ."
Isaiah 25:4 [emphasis mine]

I am such a wuss about heat in the summertime.

Really, I am. I usually just avoid the outdoors as much as possible if the mercury climbs much above, say, 85. If I have to go outside for more than a few minutes in the heat then I'm goin' prepared: water bottles (yes, plural), baby powdered (reduces sweating - TMI I know), and sunscreen slathered on my pitifully pale skin.

And even with all of that what's the first thing I do? Run for the shade.

Summer heat + me = sunburned, sweaty, tired and grumpy.

Isaiah 25:4 conjures up a powerful image then for me when it says that the Lord is a shade from the heat. Just as the summer season comes bringing its powerful heat, so too does the enemy come and turns up the spiritual heat for a season.

Whatever makes you sweat, whatever makes you uncomfortable. Sapping energy and leaving serious burns. Oh, the enemy knows how to bring the heat.

In those seasons this verse from Isaiah is a reminder to step into the spiritual shade of our Father. Let His presence provide relief from the heat, a place to renew energy and to escape the burns.

That's not to say the heat will disappear. After all, sitting under a tree in August doesn't exactly mean you can build a snowman. But there is a noticeable difference, yes? Shade makes the heat bearable.

And keep in mind, too, that just as the scorching summer gives way to the cool breeze of autumn a season of spiritual heat will eventually pass.

But it's okay to stay put in that cool spot. Your shade's not going anywhere.

Leadership

2009-07-23T14:15:00.003-04:00

We've been thinking a lot on leadership around here lately.

Which got me to thinking. . .

What makes a good leader? What makes a not-so-great leader?

If you're like me then you know either one when you see it but it's hard to pinpoint exactly what makes them that way.

Thoughts??

Not Normal

2009-07-22T19:52:00.002-04:00

It was our first date in quite some time and we badly needed some uninterrupted conversation. Hence, why we were sitting in a parked car eating takeout rather than at a movie or a restaurant.

I was lamenting to my husband my disappointment over a certain set of circumstances. What I thought might be happening soon (involving returning to our hometown) looked like it would not be occurring.

My diatribe went on and on as honest spiritual questioning spilled out of my heart and mouth in what was probably the longest run-on sentence I've ever spoken.

Through my tears I declared, "Normal people don't do this."

"What do you mean?" my husband said.

"This. If normal people want to move, they move. If they want to stay, they stay. They don't wait around on signs and visions and words from on high."

And it was in that moment that I realized more tangibly than ever what it means to give my life to Christ.

No, I am not normal.

I am a Christ follower.

Name Calling

2009-07-13T19:04:00.003-04:00

"Daddy . . . Daddy?"

The little searching voice belonged to a small boy down the aisle from us. Immediately recognizing the little one was lost my girls and I made a beeline his way. Too many things can happen too quickly in a big store. As a former teacher and now as a mother I tend to feel fiercely protective of any child in need. (I know most caring adults feel the same way.)

As I approached, his 5-year-old lip was quivering in an attempt not to give way to panic.

"Are you lost?"

The floodgate opened and a sobbing "Uh-huh" escaped from his mouth. I wanted to hug him, but I also realized I was a stranger to him.

All I could say was, "Oh, sweetpea! It's okay, let's go find . . ." and before I could suggest finding a salesperson to help us we heard, "Ethan?"

Those sweet little eyes lit up and he was off like a shot toward his no-longer-lost father.

How good it is, what relief, when someone who loves us calls our name . . .

But now, thus says the LORD, your Creator, O Jacob,
And He who formed you, O Israel,
"Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!
Isaiah 43:1

Joy? Really?

2009-07-11T20:13:00.003-04:00

"Yeah, right."

Consider this a confession of my not-so-godly response earlier tonight to very God-ordained words:

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds . . . James 1:2

I'm not trying to be disrespectful of God's word, just honest in my struggle. His words are difficult to internalize sometimes. Always truthful, always right, always needed. But still hard.

Anyone else been there?

Recently

2009-07-08T13:45:00.002-04:00

Lessons recently learned around here:

-Chipmunks cannot swim

-Leftover peas from dinner + Mommy's empty drink cup + bathwater = "pea soup" from an enthusiastic pint-size chef

-Forgetting to clean out the cooler after a zoo trip is a bad idea

-Fruit flies are indestructible (see previous statement)

-911 still works from a disconnected phone line

[You just can't make this stuff up . . .]

In Case You Were Wondering

2009-07-07T20:32:00.003-04:00

It dawned on me the other day that it's been a long time since I explained the title of this blog, Seeking the Morning.

When I started this blog I was walking through some dark valleys. We had miscarried some months before but I was still very much grieving. And in my ongoing battle, depression and anxiety were rearing their ugly heads more often and more ferociously. (Hmmm. That's hard to say but true.)

My night felt unending and I was literally seeking a spiritual morning. Even the smallest ray of light would seem significant in the dark. I think most specifically I was hoping for another child - that most tangibly represented an end to the night in my heart.

Thankfully, the Lord was gracious and did bless us with another beautiful daughter. But even as we discovered we were expecting I was beginning to realize my journey toward the "morning" was not over. It was taking on a new meaning - something not to be attained in a single event, but rather something to always strive after.

Psalm 143:8 says

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.

I need word of the Lord's unfailing love constantly. The lies of the enemy are too deceiving, the society around us too confusing, my own heart too faltering.

If the morning is bringing word of this unfailing love, this truth in the midst of so much untruth, than that is what I want to be running after. Always.

So . . .

Seeking the Morning = Constantly desiring to hear and see the truth of God's unfailing love no matter the circumstance.

Just in case you were wondering. :-)

Pssst . . .

2009-07-06T21:40:00.001-04:00

[Shhhhh. I don't think I'm supposed to be here today. I think I'm supposed to be taking the day off after my big 100 post marathon. But I can't stay away. Don't tell anyone, okay? Thanks. . .]

100: I Made It!!!

2009-07-05T16:39:00.002-04:00

Can a get a WOO-HOO???!!!!

:-)

I cannot believe this is post 100 of my challenge!!! I woke up this morning, realized I would be reaching my goal today and got the biggest grin on my face. What a great feeling!

While I learned quite a few things through this (not so) little process, the number one thing that comes to mind is this:

I had it backwards.

Before this, I would wait for the "big" idea and then write. The last 100 days forced me to reverse course and write whether or not I had an idea. (Sometimes this was pretty evident, as in the "blah, blah, blah" post . . .)

Please forgive me for saying this, as it sounds rather self-absorbed, but I feel like I learned I was stronger than I thought I was. More committed. More enduring. I realized that sounds a bit dramatic as I'm talking about writing a blog, not running a marathon. But in essence that's what it felt like to me. Carving out time every single day whether I felt like it, whether I really had time. Learning to be still and listen. Even if it meant plugging my ears to the literal noise all around me. (Mental note: Next house must have office. With soundproof doors. And walls. And a large supply of chocolate . . .)

Anyway, I do appreciate all the positive comments whether left in the comments here, in my email or in person. Thanks for taking a few minutes to read this little bloggy every now and then and for offering encouragement.

Sheesh. This is starting to sound like an Oscar acceptance speech . . .

Anyway.

I really have enjoyed writing daily and hope to keep it up (well, mostly every day) so I hope you stick around, too.

Now. I'm off to find some form of chocolate to celebrate. Feel free to eat some and celebrate with me! :-)

99: Thankful

2009-07-04T23:09:00.003-04:00

On this July 4th I am so thankful that the loud booms outside and lit up sky are due to fireworks and not bombs as in many places tonight.

I am grateful that the people congregating in the street this morning were there to cheer on a parade and not part of an angry protest.

What a blessing to live in a free nation. We get so used to saying that but when I ponder what the alternative is, my heart rejoices at the great privilege we have to live in this country.

Take a minute and truly thank the Lord tonight for your freedom . . . we are living lives with opportunities that others only dream about. Use them well . . .

98: Blah, Blah, Blah . . .

2009-07-03T19:29:00.003-04:00

Blah, blah, blah, sick, blah, blah. Blah!

Blah.

Blah, tired, blah, blah . . .blah.

Blah, blah, writer's block, blah, blah - blah, blah, blah.

Blah? Blah.

97: Being Productive

2009-07-02T20:57:00.003-04:00

Multitasking is second nature to most of us these days. We text while we eat while we chat on the phone while we check email while we . . . well, you get the picture. Especially as a mother of young children, doing only one thing at a time seems unproductive. Even while doing multiple tasks my brain is constantly pondering what's next on the list or what I could add to the list.

Tonight I stopped.

And

Breathed.

Our 5-month-old was not feeling so great (mean ol' toothies poking through) and was in an interesting mood. Not fussy, not hungry, not playful, not sleepy. She just wanted to lay on my chest and snuggle. I, of course, was happy to comply.

As we melted together on the couch, I pressed my cheek to her fuzzy little head and allowed her tiny fingers to explore my gigantic-in-comparison hand.

And the world stopped.

Dishes could wait. Laundry would still be there later. Email and blogs were suddenly quiet in their beckoning.

I found in that precious moment that in being "unproductive" I was making the sweetest memories of all.

And what could be more productive than that?

96: Just For Fun

2009-07-01T20:07:00.002-04:00

In case anyone's bored tonight and happens to have a stack of post-it notes nearby . . .here's an idea for you:

(I don't even want to think about how long it took him to line up all those sticky little notes just the right way - amazing!)

95: Stupid Bugs . . .

2009-06-30T15:49:00.004-04:00

I hate bugs.

I mean, really, really hate bugs. Insects. Creepy-crawlies. Ewww.

There's a slight possibility that I have been known to trap insects under plastic cups until hubby could come home to, um, dispose of them. There's an even slighter possibility that if I know hubby will be in late I will draw a picture of my little prisoner on the cup so as he won't mistake the cup for random trash and set it free while I snooze.

Seriously. Hate. Bugs.

Today I was attempting to make a dent in our pile of unwashed dishes multiplying in the sink. And I saw it. Teeny-tiny body. Freakishly long appendages. Mr. Daddy Long Legs had taken up residence on one side of the sink next to a steak knife. See, most normal people would grab a paper towel, take care of the matter and be done with it.

Oh, no. Not me.

I spent the next 5 minutes trying not to touch any dish within 6 inches of the thing while focusing on not having an anxiety attack. Then I decided my next course of action.

I'd wait him out. He was headed toward the side of the sink with the disposal. Muah-ha-ha-ha!!!! As soon as he crossed over the mountainous divide I'd flush him down with a bug-size flash flood and flip the switch. Buh-bye Creepy McCreeperton.

In the midst of my ingenious plan my hubby happened to call just to say hi. When I explained what I was doing there was a moment of silence and then, "So . . .you're herding a spider??"

Well, when you say it like THAT it sounds a tad ridiculous.

I hate bugs.

94: Just Thinking Aloud . . .

2009-06-29T21:42:00.003-04:00

Tonight, as I drove home from Bible study, I was thinking about some of the thoughts and questions that had arisen during our session. Specifically, I was thinking about what the Lord wants me to do with this life.

There is a pattern I see as I look back over my years. I know hindsight is 20/20, and this is probably not uncommon, but I see so many times in my life that I could have given more. Been more. Done more.

Not for lack of opportunity but for definite lack of faith. And definite succumbing to fear.

Again, probably not uncommon, but fear has always been my stronghold. Fear of failure, yes, but probably even moreso a fear of success. What if I try something and it actually works? Then what? I know that's weird. I never claimed to be, um, not weird.

So anyway. These days I'm trying harder not to let fear get the best of me. But I have ideas swirling around in my head of possible directions the Lord might be leading me and, honestly, they scare me to death. I mean, He's not telling me to move to the middle of a war-torn country or anything. I think that would warrant a healthy fear. But my fears are all about inadequacy and a loss of control. You know that story about Saul being called as king and when they looked for him he was hiding in the baggage? Yup. I so get that story.

I just feel so inadequate. Actually it doesn't even matter what the Lord calls me to do - sometimes I feel like I'm giving up before I even try. I know the verses about the Lord being our strength, the saying about the Lord equipping those He calls. My head knows all these things. It's just convincing the rest of me.

Really I have no nice, neat way to wrap this up tonight. Just getting some thoughts out of my head . . .

93: Summertime

2009-06-28T20:13:00.002-04:00

Locusts singing at dusk

Not having to dry or fix hair

Barefoot in the grass

Homemade ice cream

4th of July parades

Eating dinner outside just because

Delayed sunsets

I love summer :-)

92: Manna

2009-06-27T21:08:00.004-04:00

"Manna is only for a season."

When I heard those words at Bible study the other night they immediately penetrated my heart.

After the Israelites left Egypt, after blatant disobedience of the Lord, they were made to wander in the desert for forty years. The Lord being the gracious Lord that He is provided quail for them every evening and then flakes of bread-like food on the ground in the morning. The Israelites received this manna from heaven every day, except the Sabbath, for all forty years in the desert. Usually when I ponder this story I'm focused on the miracle of the provision. And miraculous it was.

But I hadn't thought about how much faith and obedience this strange heavenly provision required from the Israelites. Every morning they were to gather enough manna just for that day alone. (Before the Sabbath they were allowed to gather enough for two days so as to keep the Sabbath holy and not work.) Anybody who tried to gather more thinking they could save it were in for a nasty surprise the next day - maggots and a stench permeating the once edible supply. Ick. Bet they learned that lesson quickly.

So for forty years each family, each person had to rely on the Lord's provision just for that day. And trust that He would provide again the next day. And the next. They had no control and no choice but to believe He would provide.

And He always did.

Sometimes I feel similarly - waking up in the morning with no clue how I'm going to get through the day. But the Lord always, always provides what I need. Not always how I expected (um, bread from heaven anyone?) or how I desired (how many ways can you really prepare manna? That had to get old.) But I'm always provided for each and every day in the way I need - emotionally, spiritually, whatever.

Admittedly, sometimes in those seasons I get tired of living day to day wondering how the Lord will come through each day. It's a test of faith that I don't usually pass with flying colors, if at all. I'm a worrier, a planner. It's hard to let go of my plans and just trust in the Lord's daily provision.

That's why when I was reminded at Bible study that the manna for the Israelites was only for a season, that their promised land of milk and honey was coming, it lightened my heart. Those seasons of just barely making it spiritually or emotionally day to day are just that, seasons. They definitely serve a purpose and the Lord is glorified through them but, thank goodness, they don't last forever.

And even though the season of manna wasn't much fun for the Israelites, we have to remember that without it they never would have stepped one toe in the promised land. Without the Lord's daily sustenance they would have perished in the desert.

Hmmm. I may not always appreciate a season of manna but I'll take the Lord's provision any day over dying in a spiritual desert. "Manna is only for a season." Thank you, Lord, for manna!

91: My Favorite Poem

2009-06-26T19:27:00.002-04:00

I guess this is kind of cheating but I believe I've posted this poem before. Oh, well. I figure it's so good that it's worth repeating. :-) The truth of it has stuck with me ever since I first read it in high school.

As the subject in the poem comes to find out, the intellect of some things will never compare to actually experiencing them . . .

When I Heard the Learn'd Astronomer
Walt Whitman

When I heard the learn'd astronomer;
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me;
When I was shown the charts and the diagrams, to add, divide, and
measure them;
When I, sitting, heard the astronomer, where he lectured with much
applause in the lecture-room,
How soon, unaccountable, I became tired and sick;
Till rising and gliding out, I wander'd off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look'd up in perfect silence at the stars.

90: Letting Our Light Shine

2009-06-25T21:24:00.004-04:00

I've noticed the last couple of evenings that the fireflies in our backyard are at it again, like a yard full of the world's smallest paparazzi.

It's a mesmerizing show and one of the wonders of God's creation.

Here's a fun firefly fact for you: Fireflies give off just about 100% of their light energy as, well, light. By comparison, a normal light bulb gives off only 10% of its energy as light. The remaining 90% is wasted as heat.

Jesus told us to "let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." [Matthew 5:16]

I heard it said once that, in nature, God makes His own visuals to go with His lessons. I think the firefly may be a great visual (literally) for Jesus' words to us in Matthew 5:16 - a reminder to let 100% of our spiritual light shine.

I have a feeling though, if you're like me, that we tend to be more like light bulbs - wasting our energy and only letting a little of our light shine through. Imagine how bright the bulb in the room would be if allowed to display 100% of its energy as light! Likewise, imagine how effective we would be at combating the darkness of the world around us if we all shone 100%!

So I guess tonight be a firefly. Not a light bulb. :-)

89: Rambling

2009-06-24T19:55:00.003-04:00

Apparently, Amoxicillin IS elephant repellant. Thank goodness. (But I would hope those pills would do something given they are almost the SIZE of an elephant - sheesh!)

But I find myself just as empty-handed as the past several nights when it comes to writing. Life is just tiring lately - I know you know the feeling - and right now writing just feels like one more thing to do. How funny though that it's when I'm on post #89 of 100 I start to feel the burn-out. I thought it would have come earlier. Like post #3 or something. :-)

Oh, I'm enjoying the writing. It's been quite a challenge, but I can honestly say I've enjoyed it and hope to continue writing regularly. Just maybe not every day. Some days are clearly not "writing days". (I nominate today as one of those.)

Anyway - just my rambling thoughts tonight.

(By the way, I finished "Riven" yesterday. Wow. Quite an ending. I literally gasped out loud when I realized where it was headed but I won't spoil it for you in case anyone plans on reading it . . .)

88: Elephant Repellant

2009-06-23T21:02:00.004-04:00

So, it seems that at some point last night an elephant must have sat on my face. The left side between my nose and cheekbone to be exact.

The doctor said it's a sinus infection but I'm not so sure.

Pretty sure there's an elephant loose around here.

I'm hitting the sack - nighty-night. all.

(And hopefully Amoxicillin keeps elephants away.)

87: Soundness of Mind

2009-06-22T16:49:00.003-04:00

So I have a vague idea about how Bible translations work - some translate word for word from the original language and (I would imagine most) translate the idea presented into understandable language for the modern audience. (Again, I'm vague on this so corrections or more info always welcome!!)

I recently heard a very familiar verse, 2 Timothy 1:7, read from a different translation than I normally use and literally almost fell out of my seat. In fact, although I very much trust the source from which I heard it I still ran to the computer to double-check my hearing (I love biblegateway.com for many reasons, one being that you can read the same verse in a gazillion different languages and translations.).

Here's how that verse from the New International Version (NIV) that I normally read:

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.

I'm well-acquainted with the beginning of this verse because I struggle so much with fear and anxiety. I have to remind myself over and over that my timidity, fear and anxiousness need to give way to the power available through the Spirit that lives in me!

Timidity/fear traded in for the Spirit's power. Check. Got it. I usually leave the verse there and kind of forget about the "of love and of self-discipline" part.

Until I heard the same verse read from the King James Version (KJV). The translators for the KJV took the idea presented in the original language and came up with a different way to say it:

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Sound mind.

Those two words spoke such peace and hope into my restless little soul I could hardly stand it. How I long for a sound mind - a mind not drowning in my own thoughts, fears and worries. And to see that God longs that for me as well - so much so that it's part of the Spirit He's given me - well, that just blows my mind.

I figure I just might not be the only one needing a "sound mind" these days, so I hope this is an encouragement to someone else! (And by the way, Beth Moore is the one I heard teach on this particular translation. I don't want to ever follow just one teacher but that lady has a gift to deliver the Word . . .if you've heard her then you know that's a major understatement!!)

86: About Those Dads . . .

2009-06-21T19:23:00.002-04:00

Happy Father's Day to all you dads, those about to be dads, those who desperately desire to be dads.

To those whose fathers are alive and well here on earth and to those whose fathers are also alive and well, just with their own Father in heaven. (No doubt difficult no matter how much, or little, time has passed.)

What a blessing godly, determined men are to all those around them! Do not underestimate the impact you have, the eternal significance you make in others' lives. It makes a real, tangible difference and generations are affected by your leadership.

(And a Happy Father's Day to my own amazing dad and to my wonderful husband!)

Now for some of my favorite fatherhood quotes . . .

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope. ~Bill Cosby

It is not flesh and blood but the heart which makes us fathers and sons. ~Johann Schiller

A man never stands as tall as when he kneels to help a child. ~Knights of Pythagoras

He didn't tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it. ~Clarence Budington Kelland

To her the name of father was another name for love. ~Fanny Fern

[quotes taken from quotegarden.com, quotations.about.com]

85: Blah, Blah, Blah

2009-06-20T21:33:00.002-04:00

Zero creative juice tonight.

Seems to be happening more often - maybe I'll blame it on summertime . . .

About to watch "A River Runs Through It" with hubby.

Really, really wish I had some Ben & Jerry's.

Will settle for any form of chocolate.

Why am I writing in very short sentences?

Movie time. :-)

84: Food For Thought

2009-06-19T16:44:00.003-04:00

Today I had a barely-stomachable lunch (I doubt "stomachable" is even a word but, whatever, it's my blog and I'll make up words if I want to - lol!). The problem is that I had so looked forward to eating it because it used to be one of my favorite meals!

All through high school, college and beyond I have l-o-v-e-d Sonic. (If you don't live near a Sonic I do pity you - think drive-in yumminess with most any drink combination you can come up with.) Specifically I've always loved the same meal: a grilled cheese, french fries and whatever soft drink concoction sounds good at the moment. Usually Ocean Water or Cherry Limeade. Mmmmm.

However, over the past year or so we just really haven't eaten at Sonic much. Actually we haven't eaten out much at all. Partly for health reasons, somewhat for budget reasons and a little because the lack of Tex-Mex (which is a darn good reason). I do love me some good Tex-Mex . . .

Anyway.

Sonic.

The drink was still pretty yummy, although I was more than aware of the amount of red dye I was sucking down with the limeade. Ick.

But the grilled cheese. I haven't had white bread in so long I felt indulgent (and gross) eating it. And the cheese. Was it even real cheese? I'm kind of thinking "pastuerized processed cheese product" is more like it. Only because I paid for it, and I was really hungry, did I get it down.

The fries? I do believe I met my sodium intake for the week with my first two bites. Wowsers. Again, I ate them because I was hungry but I did not enjoy my meal nearly like I anticipated I would.

And, of course, that got me to thinking.

The more I ate Sonic in my younger days the more I became used to the salt, the grease, the "cheese product". And I craved it. But after a little while of not eating it I didn't crave it quite so much. And after even more time, the thing I used to crave and enjoy so much had quite the opposite effect on me.

The food didn't change. My tastes did.

And here's my thought:

Isn't sin the same way?

The more we partake of it, the less it offends our senses. What at first shocks us gradually becomes less shocking, less offensive, less salty to our soul. It becomes normal. We trade in the good cheddar for the cheese product.

So tonight I'm wondering where my spiritual taste needs to change. Where do I need to purge the "junk food" from my soul and feed it the good stuff. The real stuff.

Literally food for thought tonight. :-)

83: Good Stuff

2009-06-18T15:25:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I get so focused on what I'm waiting for that I forget to focus on what God HAS done (which is a LOT - major understatement there).

One example . . . recently it hit me that much of certain behavior coming from my 3 year old was likely stemming from loneliness. (Moving three states over, new baby, preschool was a no-go. She's found a few playmates but no real best buddy. I think that's what she's missing so much.)

This revelation both relieved me (something fixable) and horrified me. My heart ached and I immediately started praying that the Lord would send her a little girlfriend her age that lived close-by. I happened to have Bible study that night so I added it to the prayer requests because my heart was so heavy over it.

The very next morning a sweet girl from Bible study emailed to let me know her 3 year old daughter would love to play.

(Insert jaw dropping to ground here.)

Also, that afternoon our darling neighbor (a few years older and a great "big sister" role) came to play. And then was able to come back the next morning.

And THEN we were able to get together with some of her Sunday school friends this morning.

Um, I think that pretty much took care of the loneliness this week. :-)

Granted, she would still love to have a little best buddy but I took all this as an affirmative "I've got this" from the Lord.

He's so good to us. The creator of the universe cares if my preschooler is lonely.

Love it. Love Him. Thank you, Lord!

82:Whatcha Reading?

2009-06-17T20:24:00.002-04:00

I'm t-i-r-e-d tonight. I'm sure most of you are, too. So here we go, short and sweet:

Whatcha reading these days?

I just started a new book, Riven by Jerry Jenkins. Not sure what I think about it yet. The storyline already has me hooked but it's a bit dialogue heavy. As we used to drill into our students back in my teaching days - "show, don't tell". As in, allude to the facts, describe the environment, use the reader's imagination to draw them into the story. It's much more fun than just outright telling them every detail I think. But, as I said, the storyline's already got me and I'm reading every spare moment I get to find out what happens!

Curious to hear what books y'all's noses are in currently . . .

81: Duality

2009-06-16T18:52:00.004-04:00

This is short, but I've had a question rattling around in my head all day that I just can't settle:

How do we live in both expectant hope and settled contentment? In other words, how do I faithfully hope for something with my whole heart while trying to fulfill God's purposes in the present - also with my whole heart? It feels a little like trying to be two places at once for me . . .

Thoughts???

80: The Pirate Made Me Do It

2009-06-15T15:32:00.004-04:00

I got the best laugh today in the most unexpected place as I was holding for customer service at Shutterfly.

Having tried unsuccessfully for the past hour (in between assorted household crises) to make a certain option for printing work, I decided to give them a call. Not usually how I care to spend my free time during an already hair-pulling-out kind of day.

As I listened to the monotonous recording telling me to press 1 for this or press 2 for that I heard something that made me smile: "Press 6 to listen to these options from a pirate."

What?

I couldn't help it.

I did it.

I pressed "6".

And laughed for the next 30 seconds straight as I heard a scruffy maritime voice tell me to "press 3 if our website makes you feel like walking the plank" or to "press 2 if it looks like your pictures lost a sword fight".

Seriously!

It was totally what I needed today. Not what I expected, but what I needed for sure. :-)

So, thanks Shutterfly for making me feel a little less like pulling out my hair today.

(And just in case you need a laugh, too, call them at 1-888-225-7159 . . . I dare you to press 6.)

79: Yet I Will Rejoice . . .

2009-06-14T19:13:00.003-04:00

17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,

18 yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

Habukkuk 3:17-18

I love these verses in Habukkuk.

How many of us have experienced the circumstances of verse 17? (Well, the general idea anyway . . . I can't say I have much experience with sheep pens or tending the fields. And thank goodness - I've always thought I would make a horrible farm girl!) But I'm pretty sure most of us have experienced the disappointment of unfruitful expectations or seemingly hopeless situations. Verse 17 living is a certain condition of existing in a fallen world.

But as common as verse 17 living is, how often do we have a verse 18 response: "yet I will rejoice in the LORD."? And I'm speaking to myself as the most needy hearer of this message tonight. Try putting your own "verse 17" circumstances into the phrasing . . .

Though the job search is unpromising . . .
Though the loved one is no longer on this earth . . .
Though this day seems unending and overwhelming. . .
Though the doctor report is grim . . .
Though the waiting seems unbearable . . .
Though [whatever life is throwing at you] . . .

Yet I will rejoice in the LORD.
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

Verse 18 overflows with hope in the face of less than hopeful circumstances. It reminds us that our joy should be welling up not from the circumstances but from Who is sovereign over those circumstances.

I'm not trying to be trite here. I know there's a lot of pain out there. Life is not easy - that's for sure. But it will swallow us alive if we allow circumstances to dictate our responses. (Again, I can only say that because I've experienced both the disappointment of the things of life but also the deep joy tied to the things of God. The latter is much better - hands down.)

So my prayer for all of us tonight is that regardless of what "your" verse 17 looks like right now, that you will be able to experience a verse 18 response . . .

"Yet I will rejoice in the LORD"

78: "Wisdom"

2009-06-13T19:31:00.003-04:00

While there are certainly many wise people walking the earth, reading through these quotes reminded me that human "wisdom" is not without fault and to remember Who is truly wise . . .

“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” — Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp. (DEC), maker of big business mainframe computers, arguing against the PC in 1977.

“A rocket will never be able to leave the Earth’s atmosphere.” — New York Times, 1936.

“The horse is here to stay but the automobile is only a novelty – a fad.” — The president of the Michigan Savings Bank advising Henry Ford’s lawyer, Horace Rackham, not to invest in the Ford Motor Co., 1903

“The world potential market for copying machines is 5000 at most.” — IBM, to the eventual founders of Xerox, saying the photocopier had no market large enough to justify production, 1959.

“[Television] won’t be able to hold on to any market it captures after the first six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night.” — Darryl Zanuck, movie producer, 20th Century Fox, 1946.

“Nuclear-powered vacuum cleaners will probably be a reality in 10 years.” -– Alex Lewyt, president of vacuum cleaner company Lewyt Corp., in the New York Times in 1955. [That one cracks me up!!!!]

For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God's sight.
1 Corinthians 3:19a

[quotes from listverse.com or this link]

77: Really? These Are My Choices?

2009-06-12T19:54:00.002-04:00

So after sifting through Father's Day cards at CVS this evening I've come to two conclusions:

1) CVS has really lame Father's Day cards

2) Judging by the majority of cards I saw, society apparently thinks fathers fall into one of the following categories:

a) the beer guzzlers
b) the, um, gas producers (to put it delicately)
c) the potty sitters
d) the lazy remote-control loving
e) some combination of the above

Does this bother anyone else???

76: Dear Me . . .

2009-06-11T20:26:00.002-04:00

Today I came across a box of old pictures that I couldn't help but flip through. As I perused through elementary and junior high memories I couldn't help but think of what I wish I'd known back then.

I know everything is clearer in hindsight, but if 30-Something Me could somehow talk to Teenage Me I think I would tell her:

-Don't worry so much about what people (especially boys) think about you.

-Form an opinion and don't be afraid to share it!

-Grace, not works, honey.

-Don't be so afraid of failure. Or success, for that matter.

-Confidence comes from knowing who you are in the Lord - any other place is sinking sand.

And probably about a gazillion other things.

Which makes me wonder:

Fast-forward fifteen years or so and I wonder, what would my 40-something self want to say to my 30-something self?

(A time-traveling DeLorean would so rock right now . . .)

75: Blank

2009-06-10T20:52:00.002-04:00

I have no idea what to write tonight.

No. Idea.

It's been a long day with a poor, feverish little girl. But also a good day as I saw how the Lord provided peace and comfort (and Tylenol!) throughout the day.

After 15 hours of being mommy I sat down only to realize I hadn't blogged yet today. Hmmm. And try as I might there is no coherent thought forming in this tired little brain of mine.

So tonight I'm just going to say I'm so thankful for the Lord - not only all He provides but for who He is.

And nighty-night. :-)

74: A Question

2009-06-09T19:31:00.003-04:00

I forget where I heard or read the following question, but it was several days ago and it has stuck in my soul ever since:

What would you give up so that others may eat?

The context was raising money to support missionaries serving the poorest of poor in certain regions of Africa. Supplies were running low and demand rising. And the question was asked.

For some reason the phrasing of the question puts a different perspective on the issue. It's not an issue of working it into a budget. It's an issue of what most-likely frivolous item I can do without so that someone else can EAT.

I know times are tough. Money is tight. But when I look around my house and see what we have compared to the great majority of the world, my "tough" times are nothing in comparison.

So I'm asking myself this question several times a day and am wondering if we all asked it - and acted upon it - what lives would be changed. What physical needs would be met so that spiritual ones might be addressed.

The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.
Matthew 25:40

Just some food for thought . . . (mostly for myself).

73: Power

2009-06-08T21:37:00.003-04:00

I was reminded of a beautiful truth tonight at Bible study . . .

If you're a believer, when you receive the Holy Spirit ALL of the Spirit resides in you. (Eph 1:13) Not just a little at first. You don't grow into it. He's ALL there. As we grow in our faith we tend to hear Him better but He's a full-time resident all the time.

And when the Spirit is in us - ALL of the Spirit - that means we have ALL the power of the Spirit available to us as well.

So exactly what kind of power is this??

I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms
Ephesians 1:18-20 [emphasis mine]

The very same power that raised Christ from the dead resides in us through the Spirit.

Let that sink in for a second.

Read it again.

Ever feel hopeless? Dead raising power.

At the end of your rope? Dead raising power.

Trapped? Dead raising power.

Confused? Dead raising power.

That gets me all excited just typing it! And now that we know what kind of power resides in us, check out what else the Word has to say about this life-giving, death defying, Spirit-driven source within us: [all emphases mine]

You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Romans 5:6

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. I Corinthians 1:18

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. 2 Corinthians 4:7

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being Ephesians 3:16

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Ephesians 6:10

h this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may count you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may fulfill every good purpose of yours and every act prompted by your faith. 2 Thessalonians 1:11

I could literally go on and on. (Do a keyword search on "power" at biblegateway.com and you can read through the whole list if you want more).

The more I read through these verses and come to the realization of Christ's power within me to accomplish His purposes I'm reminded of another verse . . .

What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? Romans 8:31

AMEN!

72: Joy

2009-06-07T19:44:00.002-04:00

According to our pastor this morning:

Joy = deep, resilient happiness

Resilient happiness . . .

I like that :-)

71: And Now for Something Completely Different . . .

2009-06-06T18:18:00.002-04:00

**so it's Sunday now and I just logged on and noticed you can't even read the right side of the stinkin' graph!!! Just trying to keep you in suspense ;-) It's supposed to say "Making Phone Calls" then "Text Messaging" then "Checking the Time". I know someone out there was losing sleep over this . . .**

Does anyone else ever feel like this?? LOL!!!

see more Funny Graphs

70: Thoughts on Running

2009-06-05T16:03:00.002-04:00

Tonight was the perfect - I mean perfect - night for a run. A dusky sunset signaling the last chapter of the day was upon us. A slight coolness just enough to put a flush in my cheeks. Bunny rabbits out for an evening snack, twitchy little noses alert to an intruder and then suddenly little cotton tails are disappearing into the shrubs.

Perfect.

It got me thinking how similar running is to our Christian journey here on earth. (To be fair, I solicited Hubby's - or "Mr. Marathon" as I like to call him - help on this one. I mean, I like to run but he really likes to run . . .)

If not a runner or athlete, Paul must have been in good company with some as he used those topics several times in his letters to make his point.

In 1 Corinthians 9:24 he says,

Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

(I'm pretty sure Paul would have liked ESPN . . .)

So here are our (me and Mr. Marathon) thoughts tonight on physical running and running the Christian race of this life:

-Expect steady growth. It's amazing how quickly my body is able to handle longer distances in such a short amount of time. What I couldn't do a week ago I can do now. What I can't do today I hope to be able to conquer next week. Faith-wise I'm a lot further than I was a few years ago but I sure hope to be stronger in the days to come.

-Reading about it is not the same as doing it. Knowledge is not the same as action.

-Having the right gear doesn't necessarily make you a runner. I could have the latest GPS, most advanced shoes, lightest clothes, etc. but it's still the same pair of legs and lungs having to do the work. Likewise, having the fish sticker on your car, praise music on your iPod, or latest Bible translation is not an indicator of faith. The fruit of your life, however, is.

-Surround yourself with people who will encourage you, especially at crucial points during the race. The ones who actually jump in and run with you for a while are the best.

-Discipline and self-control are a must. Otherwise you will burn-out from pushing too hard or from the boredom of not pushing hard enough.

-A run takes such a small portion of the day yet makes such a huge difference in a person's well-being. Same goes for spending time in the Word! (And don't we drag our feet so many times on both those things?)

-Cliche but true in both instances: the biggest gains often come through some painful, difficult circumstances.

I'm sure we could go on and on. But before this post turns into a, well, marathon I'll leave you with another favorite "running" verse from Paul. I pray with all my heart that when all the hard work of this life is complete, when I spot the finish line to this earthly race that I will also be able to say:

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
2 Timothy 4:7

69: Happy List

2009-06-04T18:56:00.003-04:00

To be honest it's been a pretty cruddy day. I actually spent the last 15 minutes looking for some inspirational video to post so I wouldn't actually have to write. I didn't find anything. So here I am trying to find something worthwhile to write when I really just feel like curling up under my covers for the next hundred years.

Ironically, what eventually popped in my head was to make a Happy List. You know, ten things to be happy about right now or something bright and sunshiny like that. So in an effort to keep up this 100 posts in 100 days thing going here is my happy list . . . (Did anyone ever see "Man of the House" with Tommy Lee Jones? I can't help but picture him saying, "But this IS my happy face." right now.) Ooh - that can be number one . . .

1. Thinking about TLJ saying "This IS my happy face."

2. Chocolate chips in cupboard calling my name (or, as they should be called, serotonin in a bag)

3. Hubby coming home from work on his white horse to save the day

4. Thinking about my baby girl playing with her toesies - how can that not make me smile?

5. Flip-flop weather

6. My older girl's prayer tonight was beyond precious

7. New plug-ins making the house smell tropical

8. Rain on the roof

9. Ridiculous reality TV

10. DVR - love watching Conan without having to stay up way late (and in my world anything past 9:00 is way late)

Anyone out there want to share what's making them happy right now???

68: Waiting. And Waiting . . .

2009-06-03T11:33:00.000-04:00

I learned an astounding fact the other night at my Bible study group.

(By the way - YAY for ladies' Bible studies! If you ever have the chance to be a part of one, do it if you can. You will not regret the fellowship and sweet teachings as you press in together to learn more about the Lord! Okay . . .that sound is me stepping off my soapbox now. Anyone ever wonder where that saying comes from? Do people ever really stand on soapboxes to preach??? Sorry, even my digression is digressing now . . .)

Okay - back to that astounding fact I mentioned way up there :-)

Did you realize that David was anointed king of Israel when he was 15 years old?

Now, any guesses on how old he was when he actually took the reins of kingship over all of Israel?

37.

37!!!!

That is twenty-two stinkin' years that the "man after God's own heart" had to wait for a promise from the Lord to come to fruition. How exactly does one receive a promise of royalty one day and go back to tending sheep the next is beyond me!! And I thought MY waits lately had been long.

The Word tells us that:

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
2 Peter 3:9

The Lord is unfailing. He is not slow or forgetful. That means if I'm in a season of waiting it is by His divine purpose (whether I see or understand that purpose is not imperative to the plan I'm coming to find out). Not that it makes waiting easy. Waiting is so hard. I catch myself (often) thinking that if I just knew the outcome then I could withstand the waiting. And then I'm pretty sure I hear the sound of God rolling His eyes at me. Lovingly, of course. But eye rolling for sure. That's kind of the point of faith I suppose.

I just (selfishly) hope my current season of waiting doesn't last 22 years . . . :-)

67: Rending Hearts

2009-06-02T15:00:00.003-04:00

Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity.
Joel 2:13

I stumbled upon this verse while looking for another one. (That happens quite a bit - my curious mind often distracts me from the task at hand.) For whatever reason it caught my eye and, not knowing what "rend" meant of course I had to look it up. Go ahead. Stamp "n-e-r-d" right on my forehead. Hey, I just noticed that "nerd" and "rend" have the same letters. Ah. Now you can go ahead and stamp "B-I-G n-e-r-d" up there.

Anyhow, this is what I got:

Rend
–verb (used with object)
1. to separate into parts with force or violence: The storm rent the ship to pieces.
2. to tear apart, split, or divide: a racial problem that is rending the nation.
3. to pull or tear violently (often fol. by away, off, up, etc.).
4. to tear (one's garments or hair) in grief, rage, etc.
5. to disturb (the air) sharply with loud noise.
6. to harrow or distress (the heart) with painful feelings.
(dictionary.com)

Wowsers - what a powerful word picture!

In the verse from Joel, the Lord was once again beseeching His people to return to Him, offering compassion for sincere repentance, an exchange of forgiveness instead of calamity. Rather than watch the people tear their garments as the traditional (and probably tired) means of showing grief, the Lord wanted to see REAL change.

Not a torn garment, but a torn heart.

Not a meaningless (or as it had become) outward show, but a distressing internal metamorphosis.

We are often critical of the "stiff-necked" Israelites who famously yo-yoed between their Lord and idols/foreigners/themselves. But I am the first to admit I can be pretty darn stiff-necked myself.

And how easy has it become to mutter a few "Please forgive me"s versus allowing our heart to be ripped at our inequity?

Rend our hearts, O Lord!

"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise."
Psalm 51:17

66: Time For a Laugh

2009-06-01T14:37:00.002-04:00

(thanks A for this!)

65: More of Being Still

2009-05-31T14:20:00.004-04:00

Don't you love when it seems a sermon was written JUST for you? That was the case in church this morning. The scripture was Psalm 46 and the theme was about being still regardless of the storm around you.

I think many of us can relate to that topic (especially amidst so much economic uncertainty) and it was certainly true of myself this morning.

As the pastor spoke, he reminded us of the Israelites fleeing their Egyptian captors only to run right into the Red Sea. Enemies closing in behind them, large body of water in front of them. I'm pretty sure no one calmly said, "Hey! Don't worry - I bet God's getting ready to split that thing wide open!" No, I'm pretty sure there was widespread panic. Can you blame them? And to top it off check out what Moses unleashes on them:

Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:13-14

Right.

Can you imagine the reaction of the people to THAT statement? Trapped between two versions of certain death the people are told to BE STILL.

But then the sea parted. And millions of people walked through on dry land. Don't let the familiarity of that scenario overshadow the awesomeness of it. God did something so beyond any solution, any imagined deliverance, that it was obvious GOD was in charge.

I am the worst at imagining myself trapped with no viable solution in sight. This story reminds me that God is on His throne. Always. Just because I can't see or envision a solution doesn't mean one isn't coming. And more than likely it will be something that will make me go, "Yup. That had to be GOD."

Admittedly, it still doesn't make being still any easier. It's not in my (or most of our) nature to stop striving, worrying, fretting. So that's my goal this week. To try to be still every single day. I have a feeling it will be a moment by moment surrender. And maybe that's part of the idea.

(I randomly stumbled upon this video while looking for a different one. I think it was made for a youth meeting or something but still so powerful for any of us. Got my attention for sure . . .)

64: Love These Books!

2009-05-30T15:34:00.005-04:00

I love to read. I mean really l-o-v-e to read! Ever since I was little I've had my nose in a book, a magazine, the newspaper - whatever. These are some of my all-time favorite books . . .

Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers: This is one of those books that I absolutely could not put down once I got about three chapters into it. I remember reading it for hours at a time when Hubby was out of town, only putting it down when I absolutely had to - you know to sleep or take care of the girl :-) It's a retelling (of sorts) of Hosea - probably not one of the "most-read" books in the Bible - but the message is unbelievable. It made me see God's love for me in a completely different light. (Actually, I've read most of Ms. Rivers books now and they are all fabulous - the Mark of the Lion series and The Last Sin-Eater are two others I'd recommend!)

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen: Oh, Miss Jane. How I love my Jane Austen books! Hubby makes fun of me for reading them over and over. And watching the movies. Over and over. I can't help it! I cycle through all her books regularly but Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorites.

The Chronicles of Narnia series by C. S. Lewis: Although technically "children's books", these classics from C. S. Lewis are brimming with spiritual allegory and deep truths. Another set I cycle through regularly.

Like Water for Chocolate by Laura Esquivel: I first read this book in college for an English class and immediately fell in love. It could have something to do with "chocolate" being in the title . . .

Nobody Don't Love Nobody by Stacey Bess: Another one I was introduced to in college, this time in an early childhood course. This is a memoir of a young teacher who ended up (not by her own choice) teaching in a homeless shelter. It induced many tears, chuckles and gasps at reading what she endured. Extremely touching and will make you see deeper into the homeless population and your reaction to them. Although I read it (mumble, mumble) years ago in college days, the story has stayed with me ever since.

As you can see by most of my choices here, I love a really good story. A great narrative whose characters grab hold of you and while you can't wait to get to the end, you still savor every sentence as you read.

As you can also see by the fact I read the same books over and over, I need some new books to read! Any suggestions???

63: More Favorites

2009-05-29T20:08:00.004-04:00

Some more recent favorite things . . .

This is the BEST travel toy ever! I recently discovered this for a l-o-n-g car trip and it kept our 3 year old entertained for huge chunks of time. If you're familiar with Crayola Color Wonder products this is similar (special colors only mark on special paper, not on clothing or anything else). The paint (yes, paint! in the car!!) is inside each brush and dries instantly on the paper. No globs, no wet paint. Genius! Also, unlike Color Wonder (where the color only shows up in certain places on the picture, not necessarily on the whole paper) the Elmer's will show up wherever the child wants it to on the paper. Much more creative!

Also a car-trip find. One thing I hate about travel is trying to avoid a completely junky diet, especially for our daughter. Trips are crazy enough without adding blood sugar swings thanks to a fast-food diet away from home. I love these milk boxes! No refrigeration required beforehand, the fun of a juice box plus the nutrition of milk. No more settling for lemonade, juice or water meal after meal. (Although a lot of places offer milk now it's nice to have these on hand just in case.)

In an attempt to be a bit more frugal I've started coloring my hair myself. Could've been scary but I'm loving the result! Wella is the same product they use at my salon but about a gazillion dollars cheaper at Sally's. (Think $5 vs. whatever your salon charges.) My personal favorite right now is 5WR - Allspice :-)

We recently made chocolate chip cookies and I was reminded again how much I loooovvveee Nestle chocolate chips and the classic Toll House recipe! (Um, as evidenced by the great amount of cookie dough I consumed. Don't judge me.) There is no other way to make cookies as far as I'm concerned!

A child who isn't crazy about veggies + strawberry-banana juice that's hiding a serving of fruit AND a serving of veggies in each 8 oz. glass = child who asks for more and more yummy juice and a happy (sneaky) mommy

62: Birthday Traditions

2009-05-28T17:42:00.002-04:00

In celebration of his birthday today, my dear Hubby upheld a tradition he started a few years ago: running 1/4 mile for every year he's been alive.

The first year he did this I thought he was genuinely certifiable. Crazy. Insane.

Okay - I still kind of think that. :-) Last night we were joking that it would have been smarter to start with a high number and subtract 1/4 mile every birthday. Oh well.

But what a cool tradition! (By the way, if you're doing the math that means he ran 32 quarter-miles or . . . 8 stinkin' miles!!! That means when he's 80 he'll need to knock out a 20 mile-er - ha!)

Made me wonder - any one else out there have any fun birthday traditions they do every year???

61: A Reminder

2009-05-27T20:38:00.003-04:00

Today for her rest time book my daughter chose "What Happens When I Talk to God?" by Stormie Omartian for me to read aloud. (Such a great book by the way! Very biblical, very deep truths put in engaging kid-level terms - not an easy thing to do.)

But I love how this sweet children's book spoke so deeply to me today. On the page discussing how sometimes we don't hear answers from God right away and how difficult that can be, I read these sentences:

"It always helps me to remember that my job is to pray. God's job is to answer my prayer. So I need to do my job and let God do His job"

Oh, yeah.

I kind of forget that sometimes. :-)

60: The Pleasure's All His

2009-05-26T15:33:00.006-04:00

This morning I was reading in Ephesians and ran across a verse that caught my attention.

(Actually, I was re-reading the same four verses over and over again, hoping for some level of comprehension amidst the sleep that was calling my name . . .)

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves.
Ephesians 1:3-6 [emphasis mine]

(Let me digress for minute: We have no office or separate room in this house for our computer, therefore my blogging sessions are prone to a certain little girl's squeals as she rides her "daddy horsey" super fast through the house - which I love by the way. It's just not so conducive to producing fluid thoughts. I actually sat here with my fingers in my ears and re-read - AGAIN - those verses like five times to try to get my writing groove back. But a funny thing happened. The Word of God started seeping into me as I was forced to really, truly concentrate on it and not breeze through a familiar set of verses. As I read and soaked in the Word my heart was filled with pure joy at the reality I was reading . . .let me urge you to read and reread and see if the same doesn't occur to you!)

Anyway.

The phrase that leapt off the page was that God predestined (planned ahead, thought it through, mapped out) our adoption as His children through Christ according to his pleasure and will! Pleasure . . .Will.

Have you ever seen the Passion of the Christ or a similar reenactment of the crucifixion?

Pleasure . . .Will.

Christ willfully submitted to the horror of the cross in order to have the pleasure of calling us his brothers and sisters.

Really?

My human mind cannot wrap around that fact. That is so far above any sacrifice I could comprehend offering even for those I love the most, especially considering who Christ is and who we were when He died for us ("while we were still sinners [liars, cheats, gossips, addicts, selfish, prideful, disobedient, coveters, idol worshipers, greedy, gluttonous, delighting in evil, *ad nauseum*] Christ died for us . . ." Romans 5:8, brackets mine)

Let that truth soak into your spirit today. Christ's sacrifice for you was no accident.

It was his pleasure.

59: Change

2009-05-25T12:34:00.004-04:00

I read once that insanity is doing the same thing over and over yet expecting different results.

This popped into my head this morning as I jogged through our neighborhood. (Don't let that deceive you - it was my second run in 3 weeks . . . still working on that post-baby exercise routine thing.)

It dawned on me that so much of why I'm struggling right now is I get frustrated at the current results but yet I'm not doing much to alter those results. So I decided some things have to change around here. Starting with:

I haven't done a real good job carving out time for myself. Hence the running I'm trying to put back into place. Even a quick 10 minute jog outside does wonders for my sanity!

Also, because I'm home most of the day I tend to sit around and be annoyed at the mess that is constantly my companion. While I'm feeding the baby, playing with our 3-year old, watching TV, reading - whatever - it's not relaxing because I'm obsessing over what needs to be dusted, vacuumed, straightened or cleaned. And there is always something.

I've come up with three solutions to this conundrum:
1) stop obsessing over it 2)relax in a different room and 3)hire a housekeeper. :-)

Not sure if I can swing #3 but it's worth looking into. And #1 is much easier said than done but I'll work on it. Number 2 is easy to put into effect. Gotta start somewhere.

My point in all this is sometimes instead of waiting on something to change I'm realizing I need to institute change around me. It may not lead to the result I'm hoping for, but it may lead to some other unexpected great results.

58: Just a Yellow Bug

2009-05-24T17:00:00.003-04:00

At a funeral I once attended, the officiant asked if there was anyone present who had anything to say regarding the deceased or his family. One man who got up made an observation that I will never forget:

He said to suppose that while he was talking that a hornet entered the room. We would no longer be paying attention to anything this man was saying, but instead be focused on the hornet and where he was flying. Why? We would all be greatly concerned with that stinger on the hornet's backside.

Now suppose that the stinger was removed. Would we be concerned any longer? Nope - because now what was once a stinging threat is now just a yellow bug.

The speaker then proceeded to quote 1 Corinthians 15:55 "Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"

Thanks to the sacrifice of our Lord and Savior death no longer has a sting, a victory, for those who believe.

Oh, death is hard to be sure. Just in the past 2 days I've learned of three deaths affecting people I love. They're feeling the sting of loneliness. The sting of missing an important part of their life here on Earth. The sting of life as they know it being dramatically different.

But they are not feeling the sting of death. Of a permanent goodbye. Of hopelessness.

The Lord has removed those stingers and made death to be just a yellow bug. Something to be endured and tolerated for a little while, but not to be feared or given a victory.

Praise the Lord!

(And please be praying for those who have recently lost loved ones. Even though we know death does not hold a permanent victory it is still so, so difficult to endure in the meantime. . .)

57: Thanking Aloud

2009-05-23T17:51:00.003-04:00

At the moment I'm struggling to be positive. I'm usually a fairly positive person (I think) and can see the good, or at least the potential good, in most situations.

But today I don't even feel like looking for the good. I kind of just feel like wallowing around in my murky feelings for a while. Problem is that's exactly what the enemy would want me to do. Now, I'm not saying we should go around trying to be Pollyanna all the time - there is a time and season for all emotions.

However, I know myself. I know that if I spend a little time digging a hole of discouragement and pity it quickly becomes a gaping crater with a big "Welcome Home" banner tacked on the dirt-caked walls. Um, I've been there a few times.

So. In an effort to sidestep the said crater I'm reminded of a tactic a read on one of my favorite blogs once: Whenever feeling especially grumpy, sad, overwhelmed, frustrated, etc., try thanking the Lord out loud for something - anything - concerning the situation.

I love one of the examples she gave of hating to do laundry but thanking the Lord out loud for a washing machine to at least make it easier to accomplish. Hate to clean house? Thank the Lord you have a home to clean. Frustrated in traffic? Thank the Lord for a safe journey so far, a car to drive, etc.

I've tried doing this for a whole day and I was amazed - both at how many grumpy thoughts I was having to combat and also how much I have to be thankful for that I overlook daily. Hmmmm . . . it kind of sounds like that "take captive every thought" thingie mentioned in the Bible.

Anyway - I plan on putting this weapon to use as I fight this battle with negativity today. Just thought I'd pass it along in case anyone else needs a battle plan, too.

56: Home

2009-05-22T14:56:00.002-04:00

At the moment I'm in the middle of a cross-state journey with bittersweet feelings.

I've been visiting my hometown that I dearly love for the last (almost) 3 weeks. I could've stayed forever.

Except my wonderful hubby is waiting for me in our current city of residence and 3 weeks was way too long without him. Hence the reason I didn't stay forever.

Which leaves me in a bind at what I consider "home". Home is where I grew up, but it's also where I currently reside. Home is where my loved ones are - although they're in two different cities. If home is where my heart is, it is split in two.

So while I'm bouncing between two "homes" here on earth I'm reminded that I have an unchanging heavenly Home awaiting me.

And when I get there I have a feeling I will know that I'm HOME. My heart, my loved ones, my Savior will all be residing in the same place. What a lovely concept. :-)

55: My King

2009-05-21T14:54:00.000-04:00

Another one that's been around for a while, but oh so good! That's MY King!!

54: Here Comes Summer

2009-05-20T16:13:00.000-04:00

It's taking some kind of discipline to sit down and post right now because, frankly, the pool is calling my name! :-) I'm at a friend's house at the moment and am taking full advantage of her lovely oasis out back.

I love this time of year. I think it stems from school days when May was filled with Field Day, field trips and a general feeling that summer (freedom!) was just around the corner.

These days my routine doesn't change so much depending on the season, but I can't shake that feeling of excitement at summer being right at hand. Ah, summer . . .Flip-flops, homemade ice cream, throwing on shorts and a t-shirt, going barefoot outside, the 4th of July, locusts singing at dusk approaches and fireflies putting on a show.

But you know what? I think I feel this way at the beginning of every season. It seems that just as I'm tiring of the heat/the cold/the rain/whatever a different season is right around the corner.

I love that the good Lord provided us with such a variety of His creation to marvel at every season!

Now.

Time to answer the pool's siren song . . .

53: My Current Favorite

2009-05-19T11:53:00.002-04:00

I can't say that I have an all-time favorite verse in the Bible. There are too many great ones that speak to me at different times in my life depending on my circumstances or something the Lord is trying to teach me. I don't actively try to find favorite verses. Sometimes I run across one in my reading that just sticks out to me. Most often it's a verse that, for a season, continually pops into my head.

My current favorite verses are of that last variety, consistently making their way into my thoughts - no doubt a product of the Spirit and this particular season I'm in right now:

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the LORD.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Isaiah 55:8-9

I'm caught in one of those seasons of waiting. Wanting something very much but having to wait upon the Lord for his timing and direction. These verses in Isaiah are my constant companion when I start speaking Why-nese (or really whine-ese) to the Lord about this situation. Sometimes I get so tangled up in my emotion and what-ifs that I'm actually thankful the decision is not mine to make, because I don't trust myself enough to get it right.

Anyway.

Anyone else want to share their current (or even all-time) favorite verse?

52: My Redeemer

2009-05-18T18:48:00.002-04:00

So, this video has been around for quite some time but I wanted to post it in case someone's not seen it.

Even if it's been a while you might enjoy watching it again. Father's Day is still a month away but this is such a beautiful picture of the unconditional love a father has for his son. And let it be a reminder that we ALL have a Father who went to extremes for us as well . .

(For more info about Dick and Rick Hoyt and their incredible story go here.)

51: That's My Kid

2009-05-17T22:47:00.002-04:00

My oldest daughter has a lot of, shall we say, spunk. Although it presents various challenges in day-to-day tasks I truly love her personality. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's just so her.

Admittedly though, sometimes I'm exasperated and I might vent to someone about the latest "adventure" in our household. But I'm her mother - I love her unconditionally.

Recently, however, someone else made what I perceived to be a negative comment about this particular character trait in my daughter. And even though I've probably vented about the very same thing my first thought was, "Hey! Back off - that's my KID you're talking about!"

Funny how that mama bear in me shows her teeth every now and then. :-)

Then I couldn't help but wonder if God maybe thinks the same way about us sometimes. I'm pretty sure I exasperate my Father sometimes (a lot). And my way of doing things tends to interfere with God's day-to-day plans for me (a lot).

However, I kind of like to think that when the enemy tries to attack my Father might respond with, "Hey! Back off - that's my KID!"

It astounds me that we are called children of God, and siblings of Christ . . . Thank you, Lord!!

The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
Romans 8:16-17

50: Remember Those. . .

2009-05-16T10:18:00.003-04:00

"Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering."
Hebrews 13:3

This morning I ran across this verse and was immediately convicted.

A while back I wrote some posts regarding the persecution of our brothers and sisters around the globe. At the time I was so on fire for them, praying daily and set on making others aware of the atrocities they face for their faith.

But, honestly, over time that zeal has faded into the background. I haven't been back to look at the persecution website since then.

This verse really got to me this morning, however. Even if I have forgotten about it for a time, the persecution still rages on around the world. We are blessed not to have to endure such things here - thank the Lord - but that does not lessen my responsibility to those who cannot say the same.

So I'm feeling a renewed sense of urgency for Christians around the globe and hope you do as well. Go check out this website or Google some others. And above all, pray, pray, pray.

49: Joy

2009-05-15T22:33:00.002-04:00

There was a moment today, a glorious moment.

It was such a busy day - a good day - but busy nonetheless.

Constant motion all day long.

And then this afternoon I stopped. For just a moment.

And looked up.

I noticed the clear blue sky, clouds of cotton. The incredible red-orange color of the nearby blossoms that Crayola couldn't capture if they tried.

And I smiled.

Immediately I felt calmer, more relaxed and a sense of joy over God's creation washed over me.

I can't help but think that sometimes in my busy-ness I'm so captivated by what's immediately around me that I forget to look UP.

There's a mighty big world out there much broader than my immediate circumstances . . . and I thank the Lord for that.

48: Vacation Fun

2009-05-14T15:34:00.002-04:00

It's a beautiful sunny day outside (finally) and it's got me in vacation mode.

BUT since I'm not headed to white sand and turquoise waves anytime soon I figure we can relive some awesome vacation memories today.

So hard to choose . . . however I think one of my personal favorite memories is when Hubby and I went snorkeling for the first time on our honeymoon in Jamaica. Um, have I mentioned my deep fear of all things ocean?

Well, I didn't want to be Debbie Downer and miss out. Okay - maybe I could have missed out but I didn't want Hubby to miss out. He is Mr. Adventure. We are the very picture of opposites attracting in the risk-taking department!

So I decided to take the plunge - literally - and give snorkeling a try. What about putting myself in the middle of the ocean (the home of Jaws as far as I'm concerned) with ridiculous fins on my feet and a tube shoved in my mouth made me think I would like the experience, I don't know. Blame it on the honeymoon I suppose. Clearly I was not thinking straight!

As we jumped in, Hubby was off like a shot diving down to explore probably assuming I was right behind him. (Blame that one on being newlyweds. After 8 years of marriage he would not make this mistake now. He wouldn't even ask me to get on the boat . . .)

Well, I wasn't right behind him.

I was frantically paddling water having a full-fledged anxiety attack.

Feeling like you can't breathe in the middle of the ocean is probably not a good thing. Thankfully, the guide on the boat noticed and swam to me. Being Jamaican and around water all the time I'm sure he thought I was ridiculous but he kindly stayed with me and then helped me back to the boat. His name?

Wait for it . . .

Mel Gibson.

Not the Aussie movie star. But really, truly that was our guide's name. Gotta love that.

So from then on I was able to tell people that Mel Gibson rescued me in Jamaica. :-)

Anyone else got a favorite vacation memory to share???

47: Come Out, Come Out Wherever You Are!

2009-05-13T07:56:00.002-04:00

I'm officially declaring today Delurking Day here :-)

FYI - "lurking" is blog-speak for regularly reading a blog but not leaving comments. Not a bad thing- I do it myself on several blogs- but I sure would love to know who might be reading this little bloggy of mine.

So even if you usually don't comment, feel free today to leave one just saying, "Hi!" I'd love to see who all is out there.

And I promise never to make you comment again. :-)

(If you're not sure how to leave a comment, at the bottom of each post there's a link that states how many comments have been left. So if 5 people have left comments it would say "5 comments" right now. Click on it. It will take you to a page where you can see other people's comments and you can leave your own. You can even leave one anonymously if you want!)

Happy Delurking!!!

46: My Little Theologian

2009-05-12T21:09:00.002-04:00

About a year or so ago we started reading a children's Bible story to our 3-year-old before bed. I figured it was a good way to get her in the Word daily and start planting those seeds.

Tonight the story was about how King Hezekiah had his men smash all the idols in the city. He knew God's rule about only worshipping God.

This led to an interesting discussion about idols ("Did they help?" "No, baby. They weren't real. They were just big statues - like big rocks." "But rocks are real." "Okay, I meant 'real' like 'alive'" "Oh.") which in turn led to an interesting discussion about God and Jesus.

Although we've had the conversation about "where is Jesus?" many times I know we'll have it several more. It's a very abstract concept for a preschooler. The explanation I like to give (I forget where I got it but certainly not my own head!) is how you can't see the wind but you know it's there because you see what it does - moves the leaves and trees- and feel it on your skin. We can't see Jesus with our eyes right now but we see what he does all around us and we can feel him in our hearts.

Sometimes that explanation suffices. But other times we go around and around . . . "Where is Jesus?" "He's everywhere." "But I can't see him. Where is he?" "He's everywhere." "But I can't see him . . ." You get the picture.

Tonight we were having this circular discussion once again when my daughter resolved it like only her sweet little mind could:

"Maybe he's in the car."

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!

I love how little minds work and how God continually uses them to humble us "grown-ups". Thank you, Lord, for our little ones!

At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure."
Luke 10:21

45: Mad Haiku Skills

2009-05-11T21:47:00.003-04:00

Watching Medium
Pretty sure will have nightmares
Where's my teddy bear?

(thank you, thank you very much . . .lol!)

44: Happy Mother's Day to . . .

2009-05-10T22:35:00.003-04:00

those of you that are blessed to be holding your babies (no matter how old) here on earth

those of you that love a child beyond reason or logic, so much so that you think your heart might explode sometimes

those of you that have that kind of love for a child whether or not they grew in your womb, whether or not you're even related

those of you that have little ones in the presence of our Lord right now even if you never got to hold them or weren't able to hold them for long

those of you that long so much for a child it quite literally hurts (they will have the thrill of knowing they were loved and mothered before they ever existed)

those of you who are longing for your own mother, whether death, circumstance or distance separates you

Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:

"Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

Proverbs 31:28-30

((Happy Mother's Day, Mom!! I am so blessed to have you for a mother . . . thank you just for being YOU!))

43: Priceless

2009-05-09T21:51:00.002-04:00

Today two people I love received a free present that meant more to them than anything money could buy.

My daughters and I are home for a while visiting family and friends. Being Mother's Day weekend my incredible husband decided to fly here - to see us, yes, but more so to surprise his mother and sister.

It was almost impossible to keep the information to myself. I knew they were missing him terribly - especially his mom this weekend - and it was so difficult not to spill the beans.

But I held fast and kept the secret.

And it was ssoooo worth it.

At Hubby's request, I had set up a lunch with his mother and sister to celebrate Mother's Day and also his sister's birthday. Little did they know that I would pick Hubby up from the airport this morning and that he would be in the restaurant waiting for them.

The looks on their faces, their reactions - absolutely priceless.

One had pure joy, the other pure shock that dissolved into pure joy.

His presence was worth more to them than anything he could have purchased.

So it made me start wondering about the best free present I ever received. I have some thoughts . . . but I want to know yours. :-)

How about it - what's the best free present someone ever gave you?

42: Knock, Knock . . .

2009-05-08T21:52:00.002-04:00

Because sometimes, somedays, this is as deep as my thoughts go . . .

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Interrupting cow.

Interrupting c. . . MOO!

Ah-ha-ha-ha!

I may have, just might have, gotten this from a preschool cartoon. Not that I'm confessing to such a thing. . . Don't we all need a stupid laugh every now and then? :-)

41: Stuck

2009-05-07T22:35:00.003-04:00

Today was one of those days that needed prayer. I mean needed prayer.

There was one situation after another that I should have brought before my Father.

And, yet, I didn't.

Not that I didn't want to. I did - really, I did. I tried numerous times to pray today.

I just couldn't. Not sure if I was tired, too busy, under attack or all of the above but I just couldn't get a decent prayer out of my mouth.

I felt stuck. Either all that would fall out of my mouth were standard, half-hearted cliches or I would get so distracted a few sentences in that I would start and stop until I forgot why I started.

Anybody else been there? Wanting to pray, but nothing happening? How did you get yourself "unstuck"????

40: Blessed Assurance

2009-05-06T14:02:00.002-04:00

Reading through Hebrews yesterday morning I came upon these verses:

19Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the Most Holy Place by the blood of Jesus, 20by a new and living way opened for us through the curtain, that is, his body, 21and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 22let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

Hebrews 10:19-23 (emphasis added)

Confidence in the blood of Jesus.

Drawing near to God in full assurance of faith.

He who promised is faithful.

Blessed Assurance!

Hmmm. . . I seem to be on a hymn kick these days. :-) As soon as I read this passage though, this song burst into my head.

Blessed Assurance was one of my Grandma's favorite hymns while she was still with us here on earth. I clearly remember her singing it impromptu from her wheelchair once while visiting her nursing facility. That kind of spur of the moment song comes only from a heart bursting with what they believe, and fully believing every word of it. Coming from the lips of one nearing the end of her days here with us, Blessed Assurance was not just a beautiful hymn. It was a promise fulfilled. A reminder of faith about to become sight.

When the days are hard, let us remember the words of Hebrews (and the song it inspired). That we are to draw near to God in full assurance of faith. He who promised IS faithful! Blessed, blessed assurance indeed!

39: When We All Get to Heaven

2009-05-05T22:06:00.003-04:00

Sing the wondrous love of Jesus
Sing his mercy and his grace
In the mansions bright and blessed
He'll prepare for us a place

When we all get to Heaven
What a day of rejoicing that will be!
When we all see Jesus
We'll sing and shout the victory

This is another one of those songs seared in my childhood Sunday morning memories. I always loved this song because it's, well, happy! (If you've never heard it, Google it or search on iTunes and see if you can hear a snippet.) And if singing about anything should bring a smile to our face, it should be a song about Heaven!

Tonight as I was tucking my 3 year old into bed she informed me that she didn't want to go to Heaven. (We had just finished reading the kids' version of Jesus telling Nicodemus that anyone who believes in him would have eternal life - John 3) When I told her how wonderful it would be because everyone she loves would be there she immediately perked up. Then came the peppering of questions. Would Aunt so-and-so be there? Yes, baby, because she knows Jesus she'll be there! What about Daddy? Yes, Daddy knows Jesus, too!

And on and on it went. What a blessing to stop and realize what a gift God has given us in eternal life. It made me excited to be able to assure my daughter the people she loves will be with her in Heaven because they love Jesus, too. It also made me want to ensure that everyone I love also loves Jesus and will be there, too.

Heaven - what a day of rejoicing that will be!!!